07 January 2015

Mommy Confessions



ONE. I love going to the salon to get my hair done but I hate having to make small talk with my stylist. I talk all day at work. I talk on the phone for work. My three year old talks, talks, talks. All I really want is silence and a great blowout.

TWO. I loathe the parents at the park who basically set their kids free to be little assholes to my kid and every other child on the playground and then decide to sit their asses on a bench while playing with their phone and not parent in any way shape or form. Here’s the thing: if your child is an asshole to my child, I’m going to step in if you’re not and well, you probably don’t want me “parenting” your child.

THREE. I once watched two hours of Antiques Roadshow (bore zzzzzzzzz) because the cat jumped on the remote which was located on the other side of the sofa and I was too lazy to get up and get it.

FOUR. With every fiber of my being, I hate when I ask a mom how old her kid is and I get some bullshit answer like, "52 weeks."

#girlbye

You are aware that's a year, right? Why don't you just say, "He's a year old" ??!! I don't do math. Here's a confession within a confession: My father had to literally beg my geometry teacher in high school to pass me because I was that bad at math. True story. Ask Jim Patterson, he'll tell you - I suck at math. So please don't make me have to do the math to get an answer to a very simple question. Why can't parents just say "Oh, he just turned 2 months" or something like that? Please parents, let's unite and put an end to this silly talk. Deal?

FIVE. I'm not above eating all of Chickie’s pre-chewed food - french fries? Check. Chewed grilled chicken? Check. Slobbered on chips? You betcha. I hit all that.

SIX. My child cries when I try to sing to her. I shit you not. I've always known that I can't sing and have a horrible singing voice. Actually, I'm willing to bet that I'm tone deaf. You know how most people who can't sing will still sound great in the shower? Yeah, that's not me. I still sound like a dying cat. So when I try to sing to Chickie, she gets mad. I mean, really mad. She furrows her brows and has even started to cover her ears while yelling, "Mommy nooooo! Don’t sing!"

This is a true story.


Ok, moms. Fess up! What are your confessions this week? 

Courtney @ Shiraz In My Sippy Cup
Courtney @ Shiraz In My Sippy Cup

Courtney is a published author, mom, taco enthusiast, and a Star Wars and Tennessee Volunteers fanatic. She's never met a piece of sushi she didn’t like and enjoys an amazing glass of wine and a great cut of meat. You can read more of her wine-induced, sleep-deprived adventures on The Huffington Post and Scary Mommy.

15 comments:

  1. I love this post!! So agree w/ 2!! I have one child and one child only I do not want to parent yours at the park nor would they want me too!!
    And the whole age in months - crazy that is way too much work to figure that out!
    Ally

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    1. Haha! Yep! Hope you're having a great week. I stopped by your blog and became your newest follower and am so excited to get to know you better in 2015. Have a great week!

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  2. HAHAHA! This is hilarious. I don't have any kids but I see stuff like this all the time. #2 and #4 especially. I was dying laughing about your daughter crying when you sing to her.. =)

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    1. It's such a sad, sad state of affairs in the singing department, haha.

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  3. Sometimes I almost pee my pants because I hold it so long. The couch has comfy entrancing powers that keep you from wanting to get up.

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    1. Agreed! What is it about the sofa? It's like a bad relationship you can't get away from. You know it's not good for you but you keep going back. hahaha.

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  4. Ha, I love these! Totally with you on #1- I make a little bit of small talk, but all I really want to do is relax and not worry about trying to make conversation. And who really answers how old kids are in weeks?! That's nutso.

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    1. Girl, you'd be surprised how many women talk greek when it comes to ages. I can't handle it. When I hear it, I immediately shut down. I'm like, "Nope...can't do it."

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  5. #1 - YES! And it's like that at the dentist. And I have NO idea why because when they are poking and prodding and have those damn things in your mouth, you sure can't even reply (if you should want to lol). I like to get my nails done sometimes and all I want is to sit there and enjoy my time, not make small talk. Not to be rude, but just do your thing! Please :)

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    1. Bingo. You took the words right out of my mouth. So true!!

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  6. Seriously YESSSS to #4! I can't even do the math for my own child's numerical age by weeks/months. Don't make me try to count your's.

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  7. Number 5 makes me sick... I can't. I now need to put a little distance between the two of us.

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    1. You can't quit me. You wish you could, but you can't. ;-)

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  8. Haha, love this. You should make it a link up each week. I would totally join in on the fun!!! I'm with you on #1. Not so much with my hairdresser but my husband and with people at work. I used to love to chat but I need silence! Sometimes I love the car ride home at night; 40 minutes of no talking!!! Heavenly!

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    1. Your car ride home does sound heavenly. When I pick M up from school, she immediately goes into talk talk talk mode and after a long day at work, all I really want is some silence. Kids! Gotta love 'em! ;-)

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