25 October 2016

When Your Kids Drive You Crazy: 7 Funny Ways to Plot Payback For the Older Years

Over the last 20 years in my career, I’ve had some pretty crazy jobs. I’ve been an event planner and worked in marketing for a Chamber of Commerce, the Girl Scouts, a law firm, a board of realtors and currently, I’m working in the health field. Along with this diversity in jobs comes diverse people: the know-it-alls, the goody-goody, the trouble maker, the crazy one. The list could go on forever. Trust me when I say that I’ve dealt with some pretty shitty jobs, circumstances and people. I’ve seen a few things along the way that would make your head spin. Having said all of this, none of it even comes close to my most challenging position to date…

Being a mother.

Being a mother is a never-ending, thankless job and yes, while I get paid in snuggles, hugs and kisses, it can totally boil itself down some days to being that employee who works their tail off for the team with zero thanks whatsoever from the boss (I’m looking at you, Maddy). Between the tantrums, lack of sleep, attitudes and drama, you have to really work some days to find the humor in it all and just like any good employee, you keep a running list of all the ways you plan to payback your boss if you ever get the chance.

To that end, and to keep me sane, I’ve been thinking of lots of little ways I plan to payback my daughter when she’s older for all the crazy, embarrassing, and little asinine things she does to drive me crazy on the daily. Revenge is indeed sweet, my friends.

KID MOVE: Wakes up at 2:00 AM to tell you that one of her Paw Patrol toys is broke.
PARENT PAYBACK: Waking her up at 2:00 AM when she’s a teenager just to tell her that my sock fell off.

KID MOVE: Throwing a huge, embarrassing tantrum in public.
PARENT MOVE: Dancing in the isles of the grocery store when your jam comes on.

KID MOVE: Leaving all the lights on in the house.
PARENT MOVE: Going over to see her first apartment and leaving every single light on in every room you go into.

KID MOVE: Dumps her toys all over the house after I finish cleaning.
PARENT MOVE: Find a huge Rubbermaid container, fill it to the top with Legos, take it to her home, and dump them all over the floor and leave.

KID MOVE: Asks a million questions.
PARENT MOVE: Ask her a million questions: “When will you be home? Who will be there? Will her parents be home? What’s your friend’s phone number? What time does it start? What time does it end? What are the passwords to all your social media accounts?

KID MOVE: Asks random strangers embarrassing questions like, “Why aren’t your boobs as big as my mommy’s?”
PARENT MOVE: Ask her friends if they need to poop when they come to the house to visit.

KID MOVE: Simply being a child.
PARENT MOVE: Become a grandparent. The ultimate revenge. When my mother hands Maddy back to me after giving her a chocolate milkshake for dinner, don’t think for a moment that I don’t see the twinkle in her eye.

On the days when it feels like the kids are winning, it helps to imagine all the ways we can get back at them one little embarrassing moment at a time. What are some things your kids do that you can’t wait to give them a little fun payback on when they’re older? 
Courtney @ Shiraz In My Sippy Cup
Courtney @ Shiraz In My Sippy Cup

Courtney is a published author, mom, taco enthusiast, and a Star Wars and Tennessee Volunteers fanatic. She's never met a piece of sushi she didn’t like and enjoys an amazing glass of wine and a great cut of meat. You can read more of her wine-induced, sleep-deprived adventures on The Huffington Post and Scary Mommy.


  1. This is amazing. Totally saving for future reference.

  2. Not a parent. But I definitely have enjoyed giving my friends very loud toys as baby shower gifts. I also bring batteries to replace the dead ones when I came over

  3. So funny! My mom always told me when I was younger to just wait until I have kids of my own. It truly is the ultimate payback, haha!