I love being a mother, I truly do. In my 40 years of life, there
has never been anything more beautiful, miraculous and amazing that has
happened to me than being Maddy’s mother. Even on the hard days - and there are
been many - I still feel so blessed and in awe that my little girl is mine.
It’s a responsibility that I don’t take lightly and I’m so very grateful for my
child.
Having said this, I’ve always had a desire to work outside of
the home. Even when I found out I was pregnant, I knew that I would be taking
my allotted maternity leave and then returning work. It was never a question or
a debate for me. I like having the opportunity to develop my own interests and
skills and truth be told, while they are the best gifts I’ve ever received, I
have a desire to be paid in cold hard cash along with hugs and kisses. For me,
it’s the best of both worlds.
And that’s okay.
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Aside from my ability to be a capable mother, I’ve been blessed
with the ability to have a mind for business. I don’t think many people would
necessarily consider working a talent per se, but I do. Not everyone has a
knack or desire to be in the working world. I feel the Lord has blessed me with
a certain mindset, skills and ability so why should I not develop this blessing
to my full potential? This is what we are called to do, right? To take our
God-given talents and skills and put them to use.
More important than that, I think often times in the
all-consuming job that is motherhood, we easily and quickly forget ourselves.
Somewhere in-between the sleepless nights, the endless piles of diapers, the
potty training and the endless list of raising a human, we forget the woman we
used to be. It’s easy to fall into the trap of only seeing ourselves as one
dimensional; good for cooking, cleaning, running errands and not much more.
And this is where the weariness and longing for more sets in for
me and that’s okay.
To have some perspective, I think it’s important for each of us
to remember who we were as individuals before we became moms. We were
daughters, a friend, a spouse, a sibling and in some cases, a working woman and
if you’re anything like me, this is what helps to soothe the loneliness and
weariness that at times, accompanies motherhood. You look for other things to
do and other things to be, so that being a mom isn’t all you’re defined by.
And that’s okay.
It’s okay to have desires and a longing to be something more
than just a mom. It’s okay to fall in love with yourself over and over again.
It’s okay to take an evening off so that you can enjoy a girl’s night out. It’s
okay to date your husband and leave the kids with family or a sitter. It’s okay
to go away for long weekends. It’s okay to take time for you so that you’re
able to enjoy hobbies you were once interested in or to simply have time to
yourself. It’s okay to give old dreams new wings or give new dreams life.
It’s all okay.
Every year that goes by, I’m settling into my role as a mom a
little easier because I know that it’s okay to want more out of life than
simply being a mom. I can’t be everything to everyone but I also know that I
can be more than just one thing, and in developing my interests that lay
outside of motherhood, my child sees that life doesn’t always revolve around
her. What she sees is a woman who pursues goals and enjoys a full life that in
return makes her happy.
And that’s okay.
While there are different seasons to life and motherhood, and
while I know I can’t do all things all the time, I firmly believe that I can
wrap my arms around the whole and complete woman that God has called me to be.
I’m so much more than just a mom, and so are you.
And it’s all okay.
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