Why I Will Encourage My Daughter to Join a Sorority

Let’s get one thing straight about this post from the get-go: this isn’t going to be a mushy discussion where I reminisce about girlfriends or how “I didn’t go to college to find a husband, I came to find my bridesmaids” type of shit. Gag. #cuethenausea  

What I will discuss are solid reasons why I will encourage my daughter to join a sorority.

Growing up and especially in high school, I was more of a “go with the majority” type of girl. I had my own thoughts and ideas about issues and an urge to make a difference in the world but those urges were overshadowed by the desire to want to fit in. Back in my high school days, speaking up and assuming a leadership role was never considered cool and the thought of peer disapproval made it too big a risk to take in trying to forge new paths. I could make a million excuses for why I wasn’t more involved as a teen but the sad reality is that I lacked true confidence and self-esteem.

Fast forward to my freshman fall semester at college. My parents dropped me off at my dorm, kissed me and then waved good-bye. For the first time in my life, I was all alone: no family, no friends – no one. To make matters worse, I went to school out of state so I literally knew no one, nor did I have any connections of any kind to make my transition to college life a little easier. For the first few weeks, I felt adrift at sea, alone and isolated. I had a full course load, a part-time job and had attended a few shindigs on campus but didn’t really have a core group of friends to call my own. I was lonely and in desperate need of more to make me happy.

Enter sorority rush.

Now, I will be the first to admit that at the time, I had the same pre-conceived notions most people do about sororities: snotty, stuck up rich girls who act entitled and don’t have a single brain cell between the lot of them. So what made me want to go through rush? One of my classmates in my English class was already a member of one of the other sororities on campus and I genuinely like her. She was funny, down to earth, amazingly creative, sharp as a tack and really set a high standard for those of us in her study group. If we were having a hard time with a paper or our projects, she was always the first to step in and help and more so, her take and contributions were usually on point. I was genuinely impressed by her and to make it all the more interesting, she had a nose ring, a couple of tats and came to class one day wearing a motorcycle t-shirt that read: “If you can read this then the Bitch fell off.” Definitely not your standard sorority girl stereotype. I was sold. She wasn’t a mold nor was she a programmed robot. She was herself but still part of an organization and because of that, I was sold. Long story short, I went through rush and accepted a bid from Kappa Delta Sorority and to this day, it was one of the best decisions I ever made during my college career.  

{Photo Credit: Sister Deanna Arnnett)

So let’s get the obvious objections about Greek life out of the way: parties, drinking, blah blah blah. Look – do I think the Greek system has some challenges and concerns where that’s concerned? Yes. Do I feel like they should be the scapegoat and poster child for issues with college drinking and partying? Nope. Kids will party, drink and act a fool pretty much anytime and anywhere. They don’t need to be a part of the Greek system to do that. More so, I’d even go as far to say that if you were a college student out partying and drinking on a Friday or Saturday night and think that was okay but look down on a girl simply because she wears a set of Greek letters, then that says more about who you are as a person. Translation: hypocrite. Every student run organization is going to have their unique set of challenges. Having the mind-set that not having a child involved in Greek Life means they will never fall prey to partying or drinking is just a foolish way to think.

So what are the positives and why would I want my daughter to join Greek Life?

Leadership roles :: When you’re part of an organization that is 100+ ladies, everyone has to take on leadership roles in committees to get things done. I instantly went from zero leadership skills to commanding large groups of ladies and directing them according to standards. I learned how to work with all types of people, from all different backgrounds, with all different kinds of beliefs and opinions on how things should be done. Learning how to be a leader for life in this regard was a game changer for me. 

Individuality :: Contrary to popular belief, sororities do not exist to produce cookie cutter, Barbie replications. Quite the opposite, actually. In my particular chapter, I had sisters from every race and background of life. What was even more important was the fact that everyone was celebrated and accepted for who they are as a person. I was encouraged to be who I was while my sisters gave me the support I needed to grow as a person, individually, on my own terms. I never felt the need to have to fit in or look a certain way. I was simply me. 

Connections :: Let’s be honest: If you’re a career woman in today’s world, connections correlate with job success. Yes, to some extent it is what you know but It’s also WHO you know. In my career, I can credit three of the jobs I’ve had to a sister in Kappa Delta. Networking and connections with other KD’s and Greeks has played such an important and vital role in my career.

Friends Who Always Have Your Back :: As I mentioned before, when I arrived at college, I had no one but when I joined KD, I instantly had a group of ladies who were there for me. Whether it was giving me support in scholarship, advice on personal problems or helping me to better myself, my sisters were there every step of the way. Not to mention that when we did go out for a night on the town, I was never alone. We always watched out for one another and to me, that extra layer of protection was invaluable.

Philanthropy :: One of the major cornerstones of KD, or any sorority, is philanthropy. Over the last 10 years, my initiated chapter of Kappa Delta, Delta Pi Chapter, has raised over $109,000.00 for The Family Center in Murfreesboro, TN. This coupled with the thousands of hours given to the national philanthropy, Girls Scouts of the USA, members continue to give of themselves time and time again and not just for the 4 years they are in college, but for a lifetime. My strong sense of philanthropy and giving back to my community can wholly be credited to my membership in KD. I learned how to give of myself, my time and my talents to benefit others and I’m forever grateful for the lesson learned.

People & Life Skills :: It stands to reason that no matter how much you get along with a group of people, you will still have disagreements. It’s only human however, being in KD with so many diverse women from different backgrounds, races and religious beliefs gave me the opportunity to learn from others, expand my mind and find ways to work out differences together as a team in a collaborative and peaceful way. With 100+ ladies, you really have to find a way to learn to communicate but more importantly, to listen as well. Kappa Delta gave me the necessary people skills to learn to deal with all types of personalities and while finding a way to work together towards a common goal.

I like to think of my time in KD as a “rehearsal” for real life. I was encouraged to run for leadership positions and had the opportunity to grow as a person both professionally and personally. Even more important than a feeling of accomplishment was my newly established confidence as a woman. For this, I am forever grateful.

For skeptics, it’s truly difficult to put into words how much something so personal influenced and changed my life for the better, but after reading this first-hand account, I ask you to consider how much good comes from the efforts of Greek Life, along with all campus-wide organizations.

Also, I invite you to watch this video of the Delta Pi Chapter of Kappa Delta Sorority as you learn more about the chapter and its annual philanthropy fundraiser, Wing Fling. This is my initiated chapter and I couldn’t be more proud to belong to this exceptional group of sisters and the national sorority. If you also feel inclined, please check out the nationalsorority website to learn more about KD’s founding principles, activism and commitment to excellence in all areas of life.

Ta Kala Diokomen, KD’s open motto, translates to “Let us strive for that which is honorable, beautiful and highest.” It started as something I wrote on flash cards to memorize for initiation but over the course of many, many years, it evolved into something far more important to me. The years of ritual, chapter meetings, endless volunteer hours and community service and the drive for academic excellence helped me to understand what it’s all really about. I began to understand that I was a member of something sacred and unique and founded on principles and values that have endured for over 118 years. An organization founded by women who were strong, opinionated, driven visionaries who lived in a time where the female opinion was not created equal. I simply went looking for friendship and in the process, found so much more and for this, I will always be grateful and will always encourage my daughter to seek all things honorable, beautiful and highest, especially sororities. 

Preparing Your Will As a Parent: Tips & Advice to Help Make a Hard Process Easier

Yesterday, I talked about the importance of having a will as a parent. If you missed that post, you can READ IT HERE. Today I want to talk a little bit about preparing your will and offer some tips and advice that I learned while working with our family attorney to prepare mine and Michael’s wills. 

First and foremost – and I can’t stress this enough – I highly, highly urge you to use a bar certified attorney who specializes in wills. There are many reasons you want to go this route but the most important one is because your attorney will have in-depth knowledge of the laws and regulations for the area and state in which you live. Yes, you can write your own will (known as a holographic will) as long as they comply with state laws concerning holographic wills however again, as a normal citizen, you risk not knowing all the laws for your state which could negatively affect how things are handled with your child[ren} and assets. Furthermore, some states do not even recognize these types of wills as legal. Other risks you take in writing your own will include:

·         Ambiguities and Errors. This is the most common problem with holographic wills. The intended meaning may have been clear to the deceased when they wrote it, but those who are reading the will can be left with great confusion over the testator’s true intentions resulting in conflict and possible lawsuits.

·         Failure to Dispose of the Entire Estate. Typically, holographic wills are written to that specific individuals are to receive certain assets. This is fine, so long as the will addresses everything it should. Problems arise when the will disposes of less than all of the estate. If the will gives away the deceased’s car, home and bank accounts but fails to mention other items like personal property and the 60 shares of Disney stock, there is confusion and possible debate regarding the items not mentioned in the will. Unfortunately, such assets then pass to surviving legal heirs as determined by the state statutes, the result of which may not be what the deceased intended.

·         Failure to Name Beneficiaries. The persons you name in your will to receive your assets are called "beneficiaries." A common error in holographic wills is that the deceased fails to anticipate the possibility that a named beneficiary might die before they do. If the deceased does not name a contingent or alternate beneficiary and the named beneficiary predeceases the testator, the gift to the named beneficiary will "lapse," meaning it will pass according to the laws of intestate succession (unless there is a residuary clause in the will).

·         Failure to Name an Executor. Usually, those who write their own holographic wills focus mainly on who will get what they own when they die, but they neglect to nominate an executor who will see to it that their wishes are properly carried out.

And most importantly for parents…

·         Failure to Name Guardians. For deceased with minor children, their wills should include the carefully considered nomination of guardians for the children in the event both parents are deceased before the children reach adulthood. This can be critically important, yet it is often overlooked in holographic wills. If the parent fails to name a guardian, the court must select and appoint someone. Often the judge will name the closest living relative, who may be the last person you would have wanted to get custody of your children.

Bottom line, yes – hiring an attorney can be expensive but when you’re dealing with something as complicated and precise as a will – especially with children involved – it is worth every penny to make sure your will is done properly according to the laws of your state. 

So now that you’ve found an attorney you’re comfortable with, what’s next?

Your attorney will want to have a consultation appointment with you. This is their opportunity to find out everything possible about you and your spouse. It is extremely, extremely important that you be honest and upfront with your attorney about everything: finances, assets, potential family issues – everything. In order for your attorney to put together the best will possible to protect you and your family, it is essential that you trust your attorney and be honest with them about the state of your family otherwise, you are defeating the purpose altogether. 

Before your meeting with the attorney, sit down with your spouse to discuss and list all your assets, questions and potential issues you feel may arise after your death and ones especially that could affect your child{ren}. During your consultation, be prepared to discuss:

·         Assets. You should have a list of all assets and already know who is to receive each intended item whether it is money, stocks, personal property or other items. Many times, insurance policies and retirement accounts already have a beneficiary named so you will not need to list those in your will.

·         Burial. How do you want your remains to be handled? Do you want to donate your organs? How do you want your funeral to happen? All of these questions need to be carefully thought out and considered ahead of time.

·         Guardians, Beneficiaries, Trustees and the Executor. Guardians are family or close family friends who you trust to basically “adopt” your children should you die. When you and your spouse agree on those people, you should talk to the chosen before you meet with your attorney to confirm they are willing to take on the legal responsibility of raising your children. Many times, people do not consult with the guardians listed in the will and this can cause problems. I also recommend having back up guardians named in your will in case the primary guardians become deceased. For instance, we have my parents listed as the main guardians for Maddy but should something happen to them, our back up guardian is my sister Ashley. 

Aside from the beneficiaries, the appointment of the executor and trustee of your will is probably the most important person you will name in this process. He or she will be the person you trust the most to handle the execution of the will to the full exact detail and law, no matter how large or small your estate is. Again, choose a person you trust and always talk with them ahead of time to make sure they are aware of your wishes and are willing to comply.
 

·         Additional Tips. When you meet with your attorney to have your will signed and notarized, make sure to read through it thoroughly. Take your time! I can’t stress this enough. When we went to sign our wills, we found a few mistakes that had to be corrected so TAKE YOUR TIME AND READ EVERY PARAGRAPH BEFORE SIGNING.

Make sure all the details accurate and if need be, ask for clarification on any issues or points of concern. Don’t ever feel as if you are being picky or asking too many questions. That is why you are paying an attorney! Once your will has been properly signed and notarized, make sure your executor, trustees and beneficiaries have copies. Purchasing a fire proof safe is a good way to store these, and other, important documents in your home. You will also want to keep in mind that if your assets and personal property change, you will need to update your will accordingly.

As I said yesterday, I know talking about matters such as this isn’t easy nor is it a happy thing to think about but it’s the reality of life and we never know what life will give us on a daily basis. We owe it to our children and families to be prepared. Talk with them, let them know what your wishes are so that everyone is on the same page and clearly understands your will. 

I hope this information has been beneficial to you and I hope you have an understanding of just how important having a will is for you but more importantly, your spouse and children. If you can, I urge each of you to make this a priority to be done in 2015 if you haven’t already.

Over the next week, I’ll be talking about the importance of having your healthcare directive done as well so keep an eye out for that. I hope this information is beneficial in helping you get organized and prepared for 2015 and beyond. 

Disclaimer:

No information on this blog shall be construed as legal counsel. Please contact an attorney to discuss your specific needs for a will in correspondence with your local and state laws.

Why You Need a Will {Immediately} If You're a Parent

Last week, Michael and I signed and notarized our wills, and while the whole process was surreal and left me feeling a little morbid and sad {I wish I could explain this feeling better but it’s hard. You have to be there to fully understand} the overwhelming majority of me felt relieved that we finished a very important detail as parents.

No one ever wants to think about dying let alone dying and leaving their children but as parents, it’s a detail we must think about and deal with head on immediately. To be honest, I had never really given a will much thought before I had Maddy and even after she was born, I knew it was something I eventually needed to do but didn’t make a priority. I regret that decision a lot because as Maddy’s parent, I am always responsible for thinking of her well-being which includes what happens to her if I or Michael isn’t here to take care of her. 

After consulting with our family attorney, I learned a lot about the process and legal aspect of wills and how the lack of having a proper will puts into jeopardy our possessions but more importantly our children. It was such an eye opening experience that I feel it’s important to share this information with all of you. So, let me share this scenario that I hope will help you to understand the importance of having a will as a parent. 

It’s a Friday evening and Michael and I are having a date night downtown. On our way to dinner, our car is hit head on resulting in both of our deaths. 

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO MADDY WITHOUT A WRITTEN WILL?

It’s bad enough that we died. You wouldn’t think that anything could get worse, right? Wrong. It’s about to get much worse. We weren’t prepared to die so we didn’t have any kind of will to state who gets custody of Maddy. There are my parents, my two sisters, my aunt and Michael’s mother. Chances are there would be a huge conflict between families as to who would have custody of Maddy. There would probably be lawsuits. It’s easy to think, “Oh my family would never argue over such a thing! We would all work together to make sure everything was taken care of” but very rarely does this ever happen. It’s amazing the kinds of emotions that are elicited from those we love when death and beloved children is involved. Our attorney explained to us that she currently has many cases involving family lawsuits and disputes because of custody situations – all of which could have been avoided with a little planning and a will. 

But let’s get back to our scenario. So we don’t have any wills. Our families are fighting about who gets Maddy but guess what? Our families can’t really fight about it because it’s not up to them who gets custody of our child. Maddy’s fate will now lie in the hands of the state courts or the social services department.

Can you imagine??? 

However, with our will in place, should anything happen to myself or Michael, it states very clearly who Maddy’s guardian and trustee will be so there is no question as to what happens to her or how she will be taken care of. We even named a backup guardian and trustee should something happen to the primary guardians in the meantime. It’s all about planning and making sure the details have been thought through and considered.

WHAT HAPPENS TO YOUR ASSETS WITHOUT A WILL?

Most people, including myself, work under the assumption that the things we leave behind when we die automatically go to our child{ren}.

Wrong.

Not only will your child’s well-being be put into question but at this point, the probate courts have the right to distribute all of your child’s inheritance as they see fit. Every state has their own way of handling this but in my humble opinion, I would never want the courts to decide how my assets will be handled, especially if my intention is for Maddy to be taken care of financially. 

You guys, I can’t stress enough the importance of making sure you and your spouse/partner have a will in place as parents. It’s hard enough for me to imagine dying and leaving Maddy but it’s so much worse for me to think about her not being taken care of properly the way her father and I want. 

Tomorrow, I’ll be talking about preparing your will; everything from choosing an attorney, choosing guardians, trustees and executors and the content of the actual will itself. If you’re a parent who has been thinking about doing a will, you don’t want to miss out on that post. Make it a priority to read. 

Over the next week, I will also be sharing my thoughts and advice on preparing your medical directive {living will} as well so keep an eye out for that.

In the meantime, make it a priority this year to get your will taken care of if you haven’t already. We owe it to our children and those we leave behind to protect them and make the process of settling our affairs as easy as possible. I know it’s not a happy thing to think about but it’s reality and we never know what life will give us on a daily basis. Isn’t it better to be safe than sorry?