I Admit It: I've Become *That* Mom

One day last week as Chickie played with her toys and basically managed to turn our living room into a war zone (But seriously, how do they know to bring out every. single. toy. they own??), I watched with great curiosity and anxiety as I thought to myself, “Hmmm. Wonder how I’m going to get her to clean up this mess…” 

Here lately, obediently listening to mommy and daddy and doing as instructed hasn’t been high on Chickie’s to do list. It’s no surprise, really. A lot of it has to do with her age. She is at a point where it’s fun and tempting to test the boundaries. Regardless, Michael and I still expect the rules to be followed and listening ears to be on. 

Translation: Just do as I say and we won’t have any problems, right kid? 

Oh, if only it were that easy! Of course I was met with the usual moaning and groaning when it was time to clean up and before I knew it, I said it. Normally, the filter between the brain and the mouth exists with the kiddo and I’m able to stop such things from being said but on this night, after a long day at work and being utterly exhausted, the filter was nowhere to be found and out the words came so easily…

“You know Maddy, Santa is watching. I’d really hate for him to see you acting bad.”

I had done it. I dropped my first “Santa’s watching…” Before I had Chickie, I would hear my friends talk about how they would use Santa as a bribe/threatening tool in exchange for good behavior and I always vowed that if I had kids, I would never do that. I mean, really. Threatening kids with Santa? Children should be able to be good because that’s what expected of them! They shouldn’t need bribery! 

{Confession: It’s safe to say that my pre-kid self was some-what of an asshole, obviously.}

Well, here I am. Doing it. Doing it all. day. long. And what’s worse, the more I think about it, I’ve become “that parent” in so many other ways as well. Allow me to share:

ONE | “We’ll see” has become the standard stock reply to all requests. I learned this lesson the hard way early in Chickie’s preschool years as a result of saying “yes” to things and then because of either time constraints, financial constraints, or whatever the case may be, I couldn’t follow through and as a result, Chickie would end up devastated and I would feel like the world’s worst mother.

No bueno.

Now, I simply reply with a “We’ll see” and this gives me time to process and think about all requests and if necessary, deny the ones I don’t feel need to be fulfilled. No commitment = no heartbreak for either of us and I’m perfectly okay with that!

TWO | During cleanup time, the only thing some toys see is the inside of my trash can. You know those toys that either don’t work, are in the process of falling apart or have been cast aside altogether and just collecting dust? In file 13 they go! You know you’ve done it too so don’t judge!

THREE | Speaking of toys, some toys are not worth new batteries. You know the ones I’m talking about. Those toys. For instance, for Chickie’s first Birthday, someone gave her a monkey that looked like a clown on steroids but to make matters worse, it had the creepiest laugh when you would push its belly. Chickie loved it. Me? Hell. To. The. NO.  Once that baby died, it was out of our home and yes, I tend to do this with most loud toys that are nothing but simply annoying.

FOUR | The bathroom has become my only sanctuary. There was a time in my life when using the bathroom was much like doing business at a bank: I would go in, make my deposit and leave. Fast forward three years post child-free life? It has become my sanctuary. This is a standard running joke among mothers but really, it’s so true. No one gives a shit about who you are or where you are but go to the bathroom and suddenly everyone and their brother needs you. It's the craziest phenomenon I've ever experienced. Who would have ever thought that the shitter would become such a desired place of refuge for a few minutes peace…at least until those little chubby Vienna sausage fingers come popping out from underneath the door…

FIVE | Movies have indeed become my babysitter – at times. I was flipping through an old notebook I found a while back in the chaos of one of our cross-country moves and came across some things I wrote before Chickie was born about how I would never let my child just sit in front of the TV with nothing to do. No way would I let my kid’s mind rot away like that!

#BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

O M GEEE that’s a good one. I kill myself.

The fact is, I do indeed let Maddy sit and watch TV. More precisely, movies. To be honest, I usually feel no shame in this. Chickie is at school all day and they run those little kids hard between lessons, play time and activities so when we get home, I have no problem letting her chill out in front of the TV. She’s worked hard all day and deserves a little mindless fun. Plus, it gives me some time to decompress from work and allows me to get dinner on the table, usually drama free. Then after dinner, the TV goes off and we find other activities to do to occupy ourselves so in the grand scheme of things, it’s not that big of a deal.

I’m sure there are mothers out there who would be mortified by some, if not all, all of these items but for me, I’m okay with all of them. Every single one. I’ve fought hard to figure out who I am as a mom and I’m still learning all the time the type of mother I want to be. I’ve become “that mom” but you know what? My child is healthy, smart, active, has amazing social skills and is blooming every day so if that’s a result of being “that mom” then I can live with that.

In what ways have you become “that mom”?