Real Life: What My Evenings Look Like as a Working Mom

Yesterday, I gave you all a peek into what my mornings are like around casa de crazy as a working mom. If you missed that post, you can catch up on all the fun here. {One word for our mornings? Busted. That is all}

I thought it would be interesting to do a follow-up post of what my evenings look like since I work during the day. While it’s certainly nothing special, maybe if nothing else it will only go to show that you’re not alone if you feel like your evenings with a preschooler are anything less than spectacular at times.

5:00 p.m.    
Quit’n time! I leave the office and head over to Chickie’s day care, which is located on campus. Her building is located right behind mine so it’s literally a 10 second drive to get there which is great. I swing my Rogue in and find that the solitary and coveted parking spot under the trees is open and whip my ride under it pronto {these things matter living in South Georgia}. At the same time, I'm thinking of all the errands I should be running after we leave school because I wasn't able to do them during my lunch hour. I find every reason in the world to put off said pesky errands for another day. I just want to get home. 

As I head inside to pick up Chickie, I’m silently praying that she made it through the day without dropping a deuce in her underwear. Potty training wise, we’re almost there but it can still be hit or miss with this one thing.

5:15 p.m.
Success! No plastic baggies to take home today! I sign Chickie out, collect her artwork and papers, and get a quick recap from her teachers on how things went for the day. Lately, sharing toys with friends has been a challenge so I’m eager to see how it’s going. I’m happy to hear that no one was bitch-slapped today so off to home we go!

5:30 p.m.Thus begins the witching hour. Usually by this time, Chickie is throwing a fit and having a meltdown over everything; she’s annoyed because she has to take her shoes off in the house. She’s crying because she can’t have Cheerios before dinner. She’s rolling and screaming on the floor because Henry the dog keeps following her around the house. #toddlerproblems

All of this usually results in her being sent to her room for a timeout to which more crying and screaming ensues. I close her bedroom door and walk away. Anxiety level is at a solid 10 by this point. I pour myself a glass of wine and stare off into the pantry. WTF am I fixing for dinner tonight? This whole dinner gig would go a lot smoother if I would get into the better habit of using my crock pot but alas, I have yet to learn this lesson so I usually spend a good amount of time perusing my kitchen for ideas on what to cook for dinner. Meanwhile, the dog wants out, my phone is blowing up with email notifications, the cat is throwing up a hair ball on the floor and Chickie has just TP'ed the hallway. 

Excellent.

6:00 p.m.

Dinner is underway. It should be noted that half the time I end up feeling like Susan Lucci where dinner is concerned – I never win. 

“Mama, I want mac and cheese for dinner!”

Mac and cheese it is. Until it isn’t. 

“I don’t want mac and cheese!” it screams as it pushes the plate away. Seriously, kid? 

This could go on forever but lately, I’ve started towing a pretty hard line on dinner. I’m take it back to the old school and whip out the classic, “Well, that’s what’s being served for dinner. Either eat it or go hungry.” After glaring at me for a while, she finally picks up her fork and starts eating.

I thought you’d see it my way, kiddo.

After Chickie is done with dinner, we make her clean up her dishes by dumping her leftover food in the trash and putting her utensils, plates and cup in the sink. I must give my little Chickie kudos for this. She is, if anything, a great little helper. 

High fives all around are given.

6:30 – 7:50 p.m.

This time is usually a random mix of things going on. Michael is usually pretty great about cleaning up from dinner {thanks babe!} since I cook and while he’s doing that, mine and Chickie’s activities vary. Some days she’s really great about doing a little independent playtime while other days she can be very needy and wants mommy and daddy for everything. Lately, she’s taken to wanting to play with her blocks in the evenings and is so super cute and sweet about it that for a hot second, I don’t feel the burning need to eat my young. 

I like to try and do a few things around the house during this time, too – laundry, straighten up, get Chickie’s school bag ready for the next day, answer personal and work emails, etc. On Wednesday nights, we Skype with my parents so that usually takes up the entire hour or so. Most nights, we just take it as it comes and go with the flow.

The TV is off during this time which I think helps a lot with getting Chickie decompressed and in a more settled state for bedtime. No movies and no TV are allowed. 

7:50 – 8:15 p.m.

Bath time! 

This is my favorite part of the day with Chickie. Since I work outside of the home, this is my chance to bond with her for the day. I sit beside the tub and we talk about nothing while Chickie insists on playing barista with her cups and shovels. Daddy has also been known to get a pretty sweet manicure from time to time.

8:15 – 8:30 p.m.
Pajamas, book and lights out! 

If only it were that easy. We usually get held up for one or more of the following:

Just one more sip of water
Just one more book
Just one more trip to the potty
I don’t want this stuffed animal in bed, I want this one
Just one more hug {this one gets me every time. I mean, how can you say no to that?!}

After finally getting Chickie settled into bed, its lights out and the sound machine goes on. Nine times out of ten she’s really great about going right to sleep. We haven’t experienced her getting out of bed or playing around in her room after lights out so for that, I’m thankful. She will usually stay asleep until about 11:00 a.m., if we’re lucky.

8:30 – 10:30 p.m.
This part of the evening usually varies as well. If Michael is working on school work, then I’m pretty much left up to my own devices. The norm is surfing the web, paying bills, preparing a blog post, catching up on my DVR shows, etc. There is usually another glass of wine involved as well. 

Some nights, we Michael will watch a movie {because I’m old and end up falling asleep} or we’ll sit and shoot the shit from the day and get caught up in some rather random conversations like where the best place to buy crushed ice is in Statesboro. 

Yes, we actually debate this. Yes, I’m fully aware of how dorky we sound.

11:00 p.m.
If I haven’t fallen asleep by now, then I’m on my way to bed. A quick check to make sure my alarms are set and I’m off to dreamland…

11:30 p.m., 2:00 a.m. and 4:00 a.m.

Chickie is up and awake and she thinks it’s a perfectly acceptable time to be up and at it. We’re either soothing her back to sleep, walking her back to her bed or generally begging her to just sleep. Since Michael and I both work, some nights I’ll admit, we put her in our bed. It gets to a point where we have to get some sleep. The alarm goes off at 5:15. Go to sleep, kid.

So there’s a rundown of my typical evening. If you’re a working mom, how do you spend your nights? Even if you’re a SAHM mom, how do your evenings go?

Real Life: What My Mornings Look Like as a Working Mom

One of the most challenging things to get used to as a working gal was throwing a kid into the mix. It used to be that I could either sleep in until the last second and still make it out the door on time or get up, take my time, and leisurely stroll out the door.

Enter my daughter. 

Mornings at our home can be hit or miss. Some days start off like a well-oiled machine with everything operating in sync but most days start like a Tasmanian devil cloud storm and don't get much better from there. Sometimes I feel as if we’re the only house on the planet that is crazy town but I know this isn’t really the case. Having said this, I thought I'd give you all a look into what a typical morning is for me, a working mom, just in case you thought we have it altogether. Far from it. Here is an average morning for me as my far from perfect reality.

5:15 a.m.  The alarm goes off and I promptly hit snooze. Leave me alone, I'm going back to sleep.

5:30 a.m.  The second alarm goes off. "No really, lazy ass" it screams. "Get your butt outta bed!" I find this to be the perfect time to roll over, silence my phone and waste another 30 minutes by scrolling through my email, Facebook, Twitter and IG feeds. It's really more about enjoying the peace of our home as it's probably the only quiet time I'll get to myself all day.

6:00 a.m. I finally get out of bed. The first order of business is to get coffee in me ASAP. It's not pretty when I don't get my coffee.

While the Keurig Gods work their magic, I usually get on my laptop and check my bank account to remind me of how poor I am {Great way to start the day!}, log onto Blogger to make sure my post is up and casually peruse some of my other favorite blogger's posts for the day. I also pull together my breakfast to take to work, my lunch, snacks and peek in Chickie's school bag to double check that she has everything she needs {I usually pack it the night before and leave it sitting with my purse}. 

6:15 a.m.  Shower time. I'll spare you those oh so sexy details. Needless to say, most mornings I can easily talk myself into stretching my hair out another day to save me from having to wash and style it while simultaneously debating with myself about whether or not to shave my legs. The razor loses again...for the fifth day in a row. #nappyhairdontcare 

6:30 a.m.  I hear Michael's alarm go off as I begin to put my face on, do my toiletries and take my daily vitamin and pills. At this point, I'm bargaining with God to give me just 10 more minutes alone to get my face painted before Chickie wakes up. Most days, I'm able to get my make-up done in enough time but there is the occasional day when Chickie wakes up before I'm finished. Those are oh so lovely.

6:45 a.m.  I go into Chickie's room, turn off her sound machine and turn the lights on to wake her up. She's usually not one to rise and shine so nicely so I rub her back for a hot second, tell her to get up and walk out to let her wake up on her own. She's already fussy and hasn't even made it out of bed yet. This should be fun!

6:45 - 7:00 a.m.  I run back into our bedroom and do the flight of the bumblebee: pick out an outfit to wear, throw it on the bed {to which Kitten Butt immediately takes as an invitation to lay her hairy, shedding ass on} and run back into the bathroom to try and do something with my hair. About this time, Michael is getting out of the shower and we mumble our "good mornings" to one another. Neither of us are morning people. We talk about our schedules for the day and who will be dropping off/picking up Chickie from school. 

7:00 - 7:15 a.m.  Chickie usually makes her way into our bathroom and I promptly stick her on the potty. Oh the life of a potty training mom {I never knew so much of my life could center around the toilet}. Most mornings she's nuclear and hating life in general; doesn't want to use the potty, doesn't want to wear what I laid out the night before and doesn't want me doing anything for her as she has become Miss Independent at the ripe ol age of three and a half. 

After getting a successful potty from Chickie, we head back into her bedroom, get her clothes on and then I shew her down the hallway to her bathroom to do hair and teeth. This usually turns into the gnashing of teeth as she hates getting her hair brushed as of late. I manage to talk her into cooperating long enough for me to coral her hair up into a semblance of a pony tail, we brush her teeth, and then I tell her she can watch a little TV while I finish getting ready. #whateverworks I usually run back into the kitchen and get her something to eat while she's watching TV. 

7:15 - 7:30 a.m.   The final stretch, AKA sheer craziness. I rush to make the bed, throw on my clothes which by now are covered in cat hair {anxiety a solid 10 by now}, accessorize, make sure the pets have food and water, finish my makeup, get Chickie on the potty one last time before we head out and coral the bagillion bags of crap I'll need for the day. Michael is usually taking the dog out and pulling his things together too by this point. 

Chickie begins to get restless. She's whiny. I'm annoyed. Michael is annoyed. Anxiety at a solid 1,000%. 

7:30 a.m.  We head out the door. Chickie throws Henry the dog his treat and we run like mad people to get out the door before he realizes we're leaving. It doesn't work. Mad dog barking ensues.

I dump my bagillion bags of crap in my car. Chickie is crying that she wants to go in daddy's "orange car" but it's my day to take her to school. Michael plops her in her car seat and attempts to get a hug and kiss. No dice. Michael and I say goodbye and we each get into our cars to head to campus. We both work at the University and Chickie goes to school at the on campus day care that's provided by the University. Chickie is still throwing a fit so I put on some loud music to drown her out. 

7:45 a.m.  We arrive at day care. As I pull up, I notice all the other well-dressed mommies whose kiddos look picture perfect - outfits perfectly matched with hair bows in place. I chastise myslef: "My child needs better clothes" I think to myself as I pull her out of the car. I try to remind myself that every other mother here is probably thinking the same thing. It doesn't work. I still feel like a failure. I get Chickie settled in her class and bribe her with donuts when I come to pick her up in the evening if she can make it through the day without going poo poo or pee pee in her pants. #dontjudge #iadmitit #pottytrainingisnojoke

7:50 a.m.  I arrive at my office which is conveniently located right behind the day care {this is a huge blessing having everything so close on campus}. I make it into my office, get settled, and make another cup of coffee. I'm going to need it to keep me awake and sane for the day. I sit back and get my day started while thinking, "Now I can relax."

What do you find to be your biggest challenges in the morning as a working mom? 

If you enjoyed this post, stay tuned for 'Real Life: What My Evenings Look Like as a Working Mom' coming soon! 

Have a wonderful day, friends. 

8 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do In Raising Kids

As parents, it’s easy to fall into a lot of different traps that toy with our mental state in parenting; the self-pity trap. The “why me” trap. The comparison trap. The unrealistic expectations trap.

Traps and landmines everywhere. So how do we successfully navigate through the ups and downs of parenting?

I’ve come to find that having a strong mental state of mind is key to keeping a healthy perspective on our parenting ups and downs during this crazy journey in raising our kids. While I’m by far anything BUT a perfect parent and have my own struggles, I’ve come to find that when I’m mentally strong in my parenting game, things go a lot more smoothly for everyone.

So what exactly does it mean to be a mentally strong parent? For me, being a mentally strong parent is all about being able to sensibly regulate my own emotions, control my thoughts and finding ways to act and respond productively…even when I feel my child’s behavior is pushing me to my boiling point of crazy.

I also tend to think that being a mentally strong parent isn’t so much in the things I do right but more so in the things I try not to do. I’ve found that working hard to keep myself in check to avoid these common pitfalls can help to make the difference between being a mentally strong parent vs. a hot freaking mess.

ONE :: Shy away from, or being afraid of change. The only constant in life is change. This couldn't be truer with kids. One minute they love a certain type of food and the next minute they act as if it’s the most disgusting thing ever. Kids, especially the younger ones, are very fickle people. They are growing and developing their personalities all the time. The best thing you can do for yourself as a parent is to keep yourself open to change. Be flexible. Unless your child is being put in imminent danger or needs discipline, relax, take a breathe and try to go with the flow.

TWO :: Worry too much about what other parents think. Mentally strong parents are confident enough to do what they feel is right for their child regardless of what other parents or society thinks should be done. They aren’t afraid of being labeled as “uncool” or “too strict” and they don’t feel the need to compare themselves to other parents. To some extent, they take pride in being known by their child as “the meanest parent ever.”

THREE :: Resist having alone time. Mentally strong parents understand that it’s important to recharge their own batteries from time to time by being away from their kids and make no apologies in doing so. They understand that in order to be the best parent possible, they have to keep their own health, sanity and needs as a priority, too.

FOUR :: They are willing to make mistakes and know failures will happen. None of us are perfect. No one will ever be the perfect parent, regardless of how hard we try. This parenting gig doesn’t come with an instruction manual. We are all trying to figure it out as we go. Mentally strong parents are able to accept this and know that from time to time, they will do things wrong but that they have the opportunity to do it better again tomorrow. They don’t resign themselves into thinking, “Well, this is it. This is all it’s ever going to be.” Instead, they look for productive methods in moving forward to teach their children better.

FIVE :: They don’t wallow. Mentally strong parents understand and accept that not every day in parenting is going to be roses in raising their children. They suck it up and continue to move forward instead of wallowing in self-pity and succumbing to defeat.

SIX :: They don’t waste their mental energy on things that don’t matter. If we stopped to give thought and worry to every single thought that goes through our heads as parents, we would be a basket case. Mentally strong parents know how to reconcile and compartmentalize their thoughts and worries effectively so they don’t take over their emotions and decision making abilities.

SEVEN :: They don’t make an issue out of everything. Very simply, mentally strong parents know how to pick and choose their battles with their children.

EIGHT :: They don’t force their own past or issues onto their child. Mentally strong parents know it’s important to make peace with their childhood. Instead of focusing on the past in their parenting, they do the best they can to be the best parent possible to their children by utilizing their own beliefs for what they feel is right.

I am by far a perfect parent but I have come to find that when I keep these methods in mind, I’m a mentally strong parent and in return, a better parent for my child. What things don’t you do in order to be a mentally strong parent?

My Top 10 Responses to the Question "Was Your Pregnancy Planned?"

Today's confession: Allow me to bring you all up to speed about how our family came to be in about 10 seconds: Michael and I met and started dating. Two months later, we found out I was pregnant, nine months later we had a baby out of wedlock and now it's happily ever after.  

Scandalous, aren’t we!

When people find out this little known fact about us, their heads spin and the questions start flying like crazy. It’s almost as if the filter that usually exists between the brain and the mouth just disappears. It also seems, for some odd reason, that women having babies out of wedlock is just plain interesting and questionable to some people. But it doesn’t end there…

From the moment a woman finds out she’s pregnant, it seems as if she gets thrown into some strange, alternate universe where all the weirdoes come creeping out of the dark shadows; the stranger who likes to touch your body uninvited, the non-stop advice giver and the biggest offender of all...

The nosey stranger. 

You know this person. They just love to talk about everything from nipples, to secretions, to weight gain and how "big" you look and everything in between. I encountered these types of people a lot during my pregnancy. It seems as if these people see a pregnant woman and their brains, sensibility, common sense and awareness of privacy flies right out the window. And while I know that having a baby out of wedlock isn’t necessarily considered living a taboo life anymore, out of everything I was asked during my pregnancy, I think the most awful and unexpected question came down to, "Was it planned?" 

Yeah. I'll let that sink in for you guys for just a minute. “Was it planned?”

Riddle me this - why would anyone ever think to ask such a personal question? Who thinks this is an appropriate question to ask any one regardless of whether you know them or not? True, you may be thinking to yourself, "I wonder what the situation is" but you keep your tact and your senses in check long enough to know that you should keep that shit to yourself {if you can't, then you probably shouldn't be interacting with the public.} Clearly we all know that not all pregnancies are planned but at the end of the day, it’s really none of any one's business. 

When I was asked this, I honestly can't remember what my reaction was. I think I was too flabbergasted and speechless {yes, believe it or not, it’s been known to happen} to really form any kind of coherent response. Typically, I love to use these opportunities to screw with people - you know - to put them in their place in a more humorous way but this...this I was completely unprepared for. 

Looking back, I wish I had had answer. I wish I could have come up with something to put that person in their place. I wish I could have thrown something out there that would have absolutely mortified them and made them realize what a thoughtless rube they had been. 

Now that I've had some time to give it some thought, I've come up with my top ten list of replies to "Was it planned?" Keep these in your back pocket for the next time you need them, too!

1 | "Well, the wild hot sex was but not the baby." {And cue embarrassment in 3...2...1}

2 | "Was that completely personal question planned?"

3 | "Why do you ask?" {I use this response all. the. time. to inappropriate questions. It's amazing how such a simple, classy response can really put a person in their place because it forces them to have to think about why they are being a complete douche.}

4 | "Was what planned?" {If they only ask, "Was it planned?"} Yeah, throw that gem out there and let that awkward moment just fester for a minute or two.

5 | "Yeah, I know right??! He told me his junk didn't work..."

6 | "I have no idea how it happened!" {This one may be risky. If you're dealing with a person who can't get the hint of how inappropriate they are, it may lead to more questions.}

7 | "Does it really matter??" {I recommend using this on a day when your hormones are really on overdrive and you're feeling salty.}

8 | "That's a really personal question." {Short, sweet, to the point.}

9 | "Yes. By God." {I mean really - what is someone really going to say to that?}

10 | "Excuse me, I need to get going." {Sometimes moving on and just ending the conversation is the best thing you can do...for yourself and the other person involved.}

Did you experience thoughtless and insensitive questions while you were pregnant? What responses did you use to get out of inappropriate questions and conversations? 

6 Decisions You Don't Have to Justify to Anyone as a Parent

Allow me to get straight to the point on this one. Parenting circles are rough. We can be the biggest bunch of know-it-all, opinionated ass hats that ever walked the face of the Earth, and the outsiders looking in? They can be even worse at times by casting judgments on things they know nothing about.

As much as I like to think that I’ve grown comfortable in my own skin as a parent over these last 3.5 years, and have found a certain amount of peace with my parenting decisions, the truth is I still fall prey to the feeling of having to justify myself and my parenting choices to others. It doesn’t matter if I know and accept what my limitations, weaknesses and struggles are as a mom – I will at some point question myself and feel the need to justify said choices to others because let’s be honest – whether we like it or not, the sad reality is that we are indeed judged on our abilities as mothers.

Why do I feel the need to do this? My logic tells me that all children are different, so it stands to reason that how parents raise them will be different as well so what is the point in ever comparing or justifying my version of parenting to anyone else’s? The problem is, when I get around a group of mothers who love to talk, I start doing exactly that which is complete and utter bullshit because…

What parent actually really knows what in the hell they are doing anyway? The very existence of the “Mommy Wars” proves the point that most parents feel the need to justify and explain their choices as “the best” or “the right ones.”

I present to you this list of 6 ridiculous decisions that I, and you, should refuse to justify to anyone anymore:

ONE: Whether or Not You Breastfeed. In an age of social media and oversharing, we’ve become numb to the fact that some choices should simply remain private, be left alone and respected. It’s really no one’s business how a mother chooses to feed her child and is a decision that should be made between the parents and the doctor. Furthermore, here’s a tip: My daughter is amazing. She’s smart, funny, healthy and she was formula fed. She is a normal four year old and she is simply amazing and none of that has anything to do with what may or may not have been squeezed from my boobs. Isn’t it time we give this tired debate a rest?

TWO: Whether you’re a SAHM or a Working Mom. Again, a decision that should be private and made between the parents in the best interest of the family, somehow manages to get put on public display for observation and ridicule. All moms are working moms. Each choice has its pros and cons. One is not better or superior than the other. If being a working mom is the worst “mistake” I ever make during this whole parenting gig, I think I’ll be okay.

THREE: Whether or Not You Will Have More Kids. Unless you are going to pay for them, raise them and get up in the middle of the night with them, stop bugging me to have more. I’m a life-long, card carrying member of the one and done club and we are just fine with this decision. The status of my womb’s occupancy is not up for debate.

FOUR: The Fact That Your Kid Eats Fast Food. Dare I even admit that occasionally, we feed our daughter – GASP! - Wendy’s, McDonalds and Chick-fil-a? Call child services. World’s worst parents here, folks.

FIVE: How Much TV Your Child Watches. The simple truth and reality is that sometimes I have to get things done, need a parenting break or heaven forbid! There is something on TV that I actually want to watch! I feel parents can be the biggest hypocrites on this one because I have a theory that we all do this. All of us. At one time or another, the TV has played babysitter in most people’s homes.

SIX: When, Where and How Your Child Sleeps. We’ve all been there. In conversation, we let it slip that our baby took a nap on their belly and then we immediately feel the need to follow it up with a justification or an explanation. Or if we’re letting our kids sleep in the bed with us, then we’re ignoring every study known to man as to why this is bad. Shit, you know what? Sometimes it just boils down to the simple fact that I need to sleep and if this means that Chickie is tucked in bed beside me and we’re all happily in dreamland, then so be it.

I guess at the end of the day, what I’m trying to say is that I {and you too!} should feel completely justified in writing this list {you see what I did there?} What items would you put on your list of things you don’t have to justify to anyone?