My Top 10 Responses to the Question "Was Your Pregnancy Planned?"

Today's confession: Allow me to bring you all up to speed about how our family came to be in about 10 seconds: Michael and I met and started dating. Two months later, we found out I was pregnant, nine months later we had a baby out of wedlock and now it's happily ever after.  

Scandalous, aren’t we!

When people find out this little known fact about us, their heads spin and the questions start flying like crazy. It’s almost as if the filter that usually exists between the brain and the mouth just disappears. It also seems, for some odd reason, that women having babies out of wedlock is just plain interesting and questionable to some people. But it doesn’t end there…

From the moment a woman finds out she’s pregnant, it seems as if she gets thrown into some strange, alternate universe where all the weirdoes come creeping out of the dark shadows; the stranger who likes to touch your body uninvited, the non-stop advice giver and the biggest offender of all...

The nosey stranger. 

You know this person. They just love to talk about everything from nipples, to secretions, to weight gain and how "big" you look and everything in between. I encountered these types of people a lot during my pregnancy. It seems as if these people see a pregnant woman and their brains, sensibility, common sense and awareness of privacy flies right out the window. And while I know that having a baby out of wedlock isn’t necessarily considered living a taboo life anymore, out of everything I was asked during my pregnancy, I think the most awful and unexpected question came down to, "Was it planned?" 

Yeah. I'll let that sink in for you guys for just a minute. “Was it planned?”

Riddle me this - why would anyone ever think to ask such a personal question? Who thinks this is an appropriate question to ask any one regardless of whether you know them or not? True, you may be thinking to yourself, "I wonder what the situation is" but you keep your tact and your senses in check long enough to know that you should keep that shit to yourself {if you can't, then you probably shouldn't be interacting with the public.} Clearly we all know that not all pregnancies are planned but at the end of the day, it’s really none of any one's business. 

When I was asked this, I honestly can't remember what my reaction was. I think I was too flabbergasted and speechless {yes, believe it or not, it’s been known to happen} to really form any kind of coherent response. Typically, I love to use these opportunities to screw with people - you know - to put them in their place in a more humorous way but this...this I was completely unprepared for. 

Looking back, I wish I had had answer. I wish I could have come up with something to put that person in their place. I wish I could have thrown something out there that would have absolutely mortified them and made them realize what a thoughtless rube they had been. 

Now that I've had some time to give it some thought, I've come up with my top ten list of replies to "Was it planned?" Keep these in your back pocket for the next time you need them, too!

1 | "Well, the wild hot sex was but not the baby." {And cue embarrassment in 3...2...1}

2 | "Was that completely personal question planned?"

3 | "Why do you ask?" {I use this response all. the. time. to inappropriate questions. It's amazing how such a simple, classy response can really put a person in their place because it forces them to have to think about why they are being a complete douche.}

4 | "Was what planned?" {If they only ask, "Was it planned?"} Yeah, throw that gem out there and let that awkward moment just fester for a minute or two.

5 | "Yeah, I know right??! He told me his junk didn't work..."

6 | "I have no idea how it happened!" {This one may be risky. If you're dealing with a person who can't get the hint of how inappropriate they are, it may lead to more questions.}

7 | "Does it really matter??" {I recommend using this on a day when your hormones are really on overdrive and you're feeling salty.}

8 | "That's a really personal question." {Short, sweet, to the point.}

9 | "Yes. By God." {I mean really - what is someone really going to say to that?}

10 | "Excuse me, I need to get going." {Sometimes moving on and just ending the conversation is the best thing you can do...for yourself and the other person involved.}

Did you experience thoughtless and insensitive questions while you were pregnant? What responses did you use to get out of inappropriate questions and conversations?