Four Kid's Cartoon Characters I'd Like to Punch in the Face

As a kid, I loved watching cartoons especially on Saturday mornings. There was nothing better than filling up a big bowl of Frosted Flakes, making a huge, fluffy pillow pile on the floor and snuggling up to watch Jem, The Smurfs and Looney Tunes. Childhood goals on point.

Fast forward about 33 years later as an adult with my own almost five year-old in tow, and it’s a completely different story. Getting up at 6 AM on the weekend is no longer appealing and while I’m a Frosted Flakes girl for life, nowadays, I’d much rather have a hot cup of caffeine-filled coffee to get me going for the day instead of a cold bowl of cereal.

And the cartoons these days? Eh. Maybe I’m showing my age, but the cartoon era of the 1980’s will always be the best in my opinion. Cartoons these days are just downright annoying and in some cases, borderline inappropriate for some ages. More than that if I’m being honest, most days I’m done adulating, even if I’ve only stepped foot out of bed. If it’s the weekday, by the time I work all day, come home and take care of my family, the house and the pets, do the bedtime routine and cook dinner, I’m fried. Hello, digital babysitter!

The thing is, most of the cartoons my daughter likes, I can’t stand. Some nights and mornings I do my best to completely tune it all out because I just can’t. With that said, I give you the top four children’s cartoon characters I’d love to punch in the face.

#4 – The Entire Cast of My Little Pony

This one is a shock to even me. Growing up, I LOVED My Little Pony but now? Hell to the nah. They all talk in high-pitched squeaky voices and really, it’s way more intense than I care for Maddy to see. Pony’s turned into vicious bats and monsters isn’t the imagery you want your child, who already has sleep issues, going to bed with.

#3 – Doc McStuffins

In general, this show is okay. It’s actually a pretty unique and creative idea; a young girl who wants to be a doctor has a stethoscope that will bring all her toys to life so she can fix them up. The characters themselves are fine and it’s somewhat educational.

So what’s the problem?

I can’t stand the show’s theme song. “Doop, doop, doop you know it’s good for you, the doc is gonna make you feel better!” NO. I don’t want to come into your special little house so “the doc can make it all better.” That song is weird, creepy and has stranger danger written all over it.

#2 Dora the Explorer

Obviously this show is made for young children, I get it BUT condescension is still annoying regardless of your age and that’s Dora’s bag of chips. To boot, watching an episode of Dora the Explorer is like watching someone give a PowerPoint presentation who thinks their crowd finds audience participation fun. Spoiler alert: it’s not.

It’s entertainment. Don’t make me have to work at watching your show. That’s why I have it turned on to begin with – to keep my child occupied so I can make dinner. It defeats the purpose when she’s asking me to help her find Backpack every two seconds because Dora can’t seem to find it yet, she’s an “Explorer.”

Uh huh.

#1 Ruby from Max and Ruby

Bossy, bratty, know-it-all children are bad enough in real life but now we have a 7 year-old controlling and whiny rabbit to add to the mix. Ruby takes care of her 3 year-old brother Max and in the process, takes bossy pants to a whole new level.

I can’t imagine that the writer of this show gets paid too terribly much considering all Ruby ever says are things like, “No Max!” and “Stop it, Max!” You could actually make a drinking game out of how many times a show Ruby says, “Don’t do x, y or z, Max!”

The bigger question I have about this show is, where are the parents??!! You never see the parents. It’s literally a 7 year-old and a 3 year-old who live together in a home. Once in a while you see their grandma or a friend come over but for the most part, it’s just Max and Ruby all on their own.

It’s a super weird show and has absolutely no educational value behind it whatsoever and to boot, Ruby is soooooo incredibly bossy and demeaning about everything. Anything. I know it’s just a cartoon but damn – I don’t need my child watching another bad example of things not to do. I’ve already got that covered just fine on my own, thank you very much.

What about you? What are some cartoons or cartoon characters that make you want to scoop your eyes out with a spoon when your child watches them?