Things I Truly Love: A Valentine's Day Confession

Confession: I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day. More so, I feel like the word “love” and its meaning gets thrown around far too half-hazard these days and then, BOOM. In swoops Valentine’s Day to cheapen the whole damn thing. If I’m being honest, I’m embarrassed for us all that we’ve taken something so great as love and pretty much turned it into materialized, commercialized crap.

I don’t believe in setting aside one special day to celebrate love, or the people in our lives that mean the world to us. We should be doing this every day. Finding joy, love and happiness in our everyday lives should be celebrated on the regular. So, if you’re currently throwing a pity party for one because you haven’t found that “special someone” in your life, or if you’re tying your self-worth to whether you receive flowers, jewelry or a fancy steak dinner today, allow me to remind you that today isn’t about tacky ass teddy bears or God awful chocolates that you wouldn’t care about any other time of the year.

It’s about celebrating love in all its glorious shapes and forms.

Along those lines, I thought it would be fun to share a few things with you guys that I truly love (aside from my daughter, family etc. Those are givens). These are a few things that I truly love and cherish daily or in my everyday life. Let us all take time to appreciate the little things in life and how they add up to be so much. Celebrate love daily, and always find the joy in simple things.

I truly love…

… the first sip of coffee in the morning.

… reading other’s words and finding a connection within them.

… the first sleep on fresh clean sheets.

… the feeling a great song invokes.

… stimulating, inspiring and engaging conversation.

… black and white photography.

… holding my daughter and feeling her skin against mine. I carried her for nine months. Sometimes it makes me incredibly sad that one day I will pick her up to hold and carry her and it will be the last time.

… the smell of butter and garlic simmering in a pan.

… an overcast, cloudy day (not raining) with a light cool breeze.

… fall and winter.

… falling asleep on the sofa. It’s so comforting to me.

… a fresh, juicy hamburger, a great glass of wine, and good, high-quality food. Perfectly cooked scallops, foie gras, and oysters raw on the half shell.

… breweries and wineries.

… cleaning. yes, cleaning. It’s incredibly soothing and cathartic to me.

… the smell of an old book, or any book for that matter.

… fresh flowers in the home.

… traveling.

… snail mail, written letters and cards.

… the ocean and sand between my toes.

…musicals, the theatre, independent movies and documentaries.

… animals, and their unique ability to show unconditional love to anyone and everyone.

How about you? What are some things that really tug at your heartstrings and radiate love? 

Why I Don't Feel Guilt as a Working Mom

As women and as mothers, we naturally carry guilt. Some more so than others, but we all do it. At one time or another, we all have something that creeps up into our lives to make us feel guilty as parents.

My biggest battle with guilt comes in the form of being a working mom. While I enjoy working and wouldn’t have it any other way, from time to time, I have this little voice in the back of my head that says, “You should be making the sacrifices necessary to stay at home with your child.” That little voice isn’t always so nice.

For a while when we lived in Colorado, I was only working part-time which you would think would be a great compromise but really, I think it was worse. If I was at home with my child, I’d be thinking about work and if I was at work, I’d be thinking about my child. It all became mentally and emotionally exhausting. It was time to conquer my mental battle once and for all. 

Why should I feel guilty for wanting to work when in all reality, being a working mom is what makes me happy and in return, makes me a happier and better mom and person for my partner? Just because we have children, it doesn’t mean that all our own happiness, wants, and wishes should be flushed down the toilet. True, we put our children’s happiness first but that doesn’t mean that we should completely set aside our own happiness.  

I found myself becoming more confident in my choice to be a working mom when my mentality of what being a working mom actually means to me began to change. Instead of thinking of my career as a burden that sucks time away from my child, I started to look at it as an opportunity to grow and culture myself personally and professionally which in return, reaped benefits for me in the home. I started thinking of day care tuition as an investment towards my career which in turn, would ultimately provide a better life for my family instead of thinking of it as money flying out the window as I earned it. I began to feel true fulfillment in my choice to be a working mother and gave myself permission to have both – work and family life. 

So, for those of you who still struggle with the guilt of working or still wrestle with your purpose in the working world, here are all the reasons I love being a working mom.

ONE. The Kids Are Alright
Really, your kids who are in day care are just fine. Don’t believe me? Then just look at the evidence. The NICHD estimates that kids who are in high-quality day care score much higher on cognitive and verbal comprehension tests. The social aspects alone are amazing. Now, this isn’t to say that day care centers are far superior than SAHM’s or in home child care providers. Every family is different and so are the families’ circumstances. There are pros and cons to everything. This is just to simply say that you don’t have to feel so bad about all those hours your child is in day care. Rest easy behind your desk, momma. The kids are just fine.

TWO. Girl Power!
The only thing that’s going to make it easier for women to get into, stay in, and advance in the workforce is by having other women in the workforce. By being a working mom, you’re adding one more fabulous female to the workforce who understands what it’s like to juggle being a working gal with being a mom. Strength in numbers, ladies! Let’s embrace and show solidarity.

THREE. All by Myself
Being a working mom also means having alone time in the bathroom, running errands alone during lunch breaks, and before day care pickup in the afternoon, and eating your lunch completely uninterrupted without having little hands all in your plate or crying because you don’t like what’s being served. Y’all, I can’t even lie. Some days, these benefits outweigh everything. #truth.

FOUR. Poppin Tags
While we have a monthly budget, have bills to pay, and try to save as much as possible, when I want to, I can buy my own things {relatively} guilt-free. It’s nice to know that I have access to my own money and when I see a reasonably priced shirt that I want to buy, I do it without guilt {For the most part} because I work hard and contribute to our family’s finances. This wouldn’t necessarily be the case if I wasn’t working. The purse strings would be much, much tighter. For me personally, there is satisfaction in knowing that I’m doing my part to help make our family run and that I’m not dependent solely on another person for everything. Because I work, we have the flexibility to purchase “wants” on top of “needs” too. 

FIVE. Monkey See Monkey Do
No, I’m not home with my daughter but I feel that in being a working mom, I’m the example that she can do it too, if she chooses. She may take another path in her life but at the very least, I’m showing her that all things are possible and that she can enjoy the best of both worlds. My choice to be a working mom doesn’t make me any less a good mom and it’s important to me that she understands this concept as well. 

What are your thoughts? If you’re a working mom or dad, how do you deal with the mental guilt?

10 Ways to Practice Random Acts of Kindness With Your Children

A few years ago, after giving birth to our daughter, I found myself in the drive-thru of McDonalds ordering 3 apple turnovers, a large coke, a quarter pounder with cheese and a large fry. I had made it through one of those kinds of nights: baby crying for most of the night, little to no sleep and a severe neck cramp brought on by bending my body like a pretzel, all to get Maddy to sleep in a comfortable position so that hopefully, I could get some sleep too. After a night like that, I was in no mood to cook and felt I deserved a little refined sugar, salty, grease reward.

As I waited my turn in the drive-thru, I looked out my rearview mirror. After getting past the fact that I hadn’t showered or washed my hair in days, I happened to notice that the man behind me was crying in his car. Crying. In the McDonald’s drive-thru. My heart immediately went out to this man. I did not know him and I had never seen him before in my life. All I knew from what I could see was that this man was feeling an immense amount of pain so deep, that it forced a breakdown in a public place. At that very moment, my heart went out to him and I wanted to help.

But how? I did not know this man and I wasn’t about to get out of my car, walk through the drive-thru line and hold everyone up. Then the idea hit me – pay for his food. As I pulled up to the window, I asked the cashier how much the total was for the car behind me. It was around $10 so I asked if it could be added to my bill. I paid for both of our meals and left. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I happened to look back in my rearview mirror once more to see the same man who just minutes before was so upset, was now so overjoyed.

I pulled out of the parking lot and made my way down the road feeling the happiest I had in weeks. As I came to a stop at the intersection and waited for the light, a car pulled up beside me. As I turned to the right of me to look around, the man in the car was waving his hands for me to roll down my window. It was the same man who was behind me in the drive-thru. What he told me next left me feeling nothing short of humbled and grateful.

He told me that he had literally just left his office after finding out that he lost his job and being the only breadwinner in the family, had no idea how he was going to take care of his wife and their three children. In shock after hearing the news, he went to McDonald’s on a whim but quickly realized after ordering his meal, that he didn’t have any money on him. That’s when he broke down and lost it. He thanked me profusely and said that while he was still very scared about his family’s future, he knew everything would be okay in the end. The light turned green and we parted ways. I never saw him again but I like to think that now, a few years later, he and his family are doing well.  

I do not share this story with you to earn kudos or to gain attention. My point for telling this story is simple: we never know the struggles others are going through. When we are able, extend a helping hand. Offer a kind word. We never know how our actions will affect others, good or bad.

Along this same line, I’ve thought of this incident often, especially now that I have a child of my own to raise in a world where kindness isn’t always commonplace. We’ve all heard the catch phrase “random acts of kindness,” and while we may try to show kindness to others, how do we as parents instill those values in our children? We live in such a materialistic, greedy, self-centered world and teaching our children to step beyond that is no small task. I believe in setting the example through our actions. Our children will look to us for direction and guidance. They will also learn what they live so what do our actions say?

Finding ways to practice random acts of kindness doesn’t have to be a blown-out production. Kindness comes in many different shapes, sizes and forms and while this one act of kindness came with a price tag, most acts of kindness can be done for free. Below, I'm sharing 10 ideas of simple random acts of kindness that you can do with your children at any age to help them understand this concept so they can apply it in their own lives for a lifetime.

ONE. Leave a homemade treat with a kind note for your mailman in the mailbox. These men and women provide such a thankless service every day regardless of weather conditions, traffic and more. Let them know you appreciate what they do for you.

TWO. Buy the car behind you in the drive-thru a coffee or a meal.

THREE. Help an elderly neighbor with grocery shopping, yard maintenance or simply spend some time with them talking and being a companion. This will mean more to them then you will ever know.

FOUR. Leave 10 {or any desired amount} of $1 bills in random spots in the dollar store. If you’re feeling extra kind, leave the 0.07 cents for tax. Imagine how happy the single mother shopping for her kids will be or the child who wants a toy but mommy and daddy are hesitant to buy one because of their tight budget. It sounds like so little to us but it makes such a HUGE difference in the lives of others who really need it.

FIVE. Make small gift baskets for kids who are in the hospital and deliver them with your children.

SIX. Make treats for your co-workers or your child’s school friends. This is a fun activity to do together while teaching a very selfless action of thinking of others.

SEVEN. Be kind to someone you dislike. Our children are always watching and listening. What do you think they see and hear when they look at you?

EIGHT. Offer your time to stressed or tired parents for free babysitting.

NINE. Buy a separate piggy bank for your child. Once it’s full, have them donate the money to the charity or organization of their choice.

TEN. Collect your child’s old books that they no longer read and donate them to a children’s center, shelter or local library.

These are just a few ideas to get you started and really, this is just the tip of the iceberg. There are so many things we can do to help spread kindness and joy to others.

This year, random acts of kindness week is February 12 – 18. I challenge and encourage each of you to find ways to spread a little kindness during that time and through the year to be a positive influence and driver for change in our world. If you need more information, ideas or inspiration, visit the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation web page.

What random acts of kindness ideas do you have to share?