Stop Perpetuating the Lie That Parenting "Gets Easier"

When Maddy was born, I remember having the overwhelming feeling that having a baby was the hardest thing in the world. Being a first-time mom, everything about it seemed difficult; trying to figure out why my baby wouldn’t breastfeed to establishing a sleep routine, the non-stop crying and screaming from gas, the endless mountains of laundry, a bout with post-partum depression, and feeling exhausted and hormonal all the time only solidified my position that caring for a baby was hard. How in the world would I ever make it through? When would I ever come up for air? I remember expressing these thoughts to family and friends who have children and without hesitation, nine out of ten of them would respond with, “Don’t worry, sweetie. It gets easier.”

Looking back, I realize now what my mistake was: I took their sentiment to heart and believed them. I made the mistake of waiting, hoping, and praying for parenting to get easier. And while some aspects of the new mom parenting fog lifted, the actual demands of parenting never really got easier…they just shifted and morphed into new challenges. Bottles and formula turned into solid foods with a picky eater. Diapers turned into potty training challenges. My baby who used to sleep through my night turned into a toddler who didn’t sleep for five years. My easy-going baby morphed into a demon overnight with the onset of the terrible twos and when I really think about it, the threes going into the fours were worse. There was learning how to juggle being a working mom with my new lifestyle, learning how to discipline, and learning how to accommodate a clingy toddler while being able to still have a few slivers of precious me time. My relationships with my friends who didn’t have children changed, and it was no one’s fault. It’s simply what happens when kids come into the picture, but the anxiety of finding supportive mom friends was exhausting. It was all exhausting because here’s the truth that no parent wants to hear or even admit…

Parenting doesn’t get easier. Ever.

I know when you’re in the throes of the newborn days and you haven’t showered in a week and your boobs are constantly out and being sucked on and you’re in it, I mean, really in it, it feels like it’s the hardest damn thing you will ever do and yes, it is. It really is, I don’t take that away from you, but here’s the thing…

There will always be hard things in parenting. Whether it’s an issue you’re dealing with now or even something you can’t imagine that will hit you down the road, one thing’s for sure: there will always be hard times in parenting, they will just look, and be hard, in different ways and yes, while we all go through brief periods of even-keel, smooth sailing, life as a parent, or simply life in general, is anything but care-free; it’s a constant roller coaster ride of up and down emotions and circumstances.  

This is why we need to stop perpetuating the lie, “Don’t worry, sweetie. It gets easier.” It’s a false sense of security, normalcy, and just plain wrong.

Parenting doesn’t get easier. If anything, it just changes its shape and form. At any point of any given day, my almost six-year-old could be the happiest child in the world but have a complete meltdown over what I fix her for dinner. On any given day, I’m forced to juggle being a working mom and keeping my boss happy with trying to also take care of a sick child. On any given day, at any given time, I’m struggling to keep peace in my home as my ever-growing child stretches and tests the bounds of her independence, ever-evolving personality, and strong-willed demeanor. Throw on top of this simply trying to raise a child to learn right from wrong, kindness, empathy, and how to live in the world, and most days, I honestly feel like I’m barely holding on by my fingertips. There simply isn’t one version of hard. It’s all hard.

But there is a silver lining…

While being a parent will never be easy, you will get better. As a parent, you can’t help but to grow and learn from every stage of parenting. Every conflict, battle, argument, sassy attitude, mess, tantrum, and good moment is an opportunity for growth. Every time we yell, or fail, or feel we could have handled a situation differently, we are learning and growing and in return, pathing the path for the future to be a little more tolerable. It’s a constant process of losing and finding ourselves and assessing what parenting looks like in each stage because the reality is, you don’t parent your preschool child the same way you parented your toddler. It’s constantly changing, the way we parent our children, which is why it’s anything but easy.

Instead of waiting for calm, easy waters, I urge each of us to learn to become more of a skilled sailor. Accept that parenting will never “get easier” and work each day to navigate through the ups and downs of this ocean called parenting. Instead of believing falsehoods, let us train our minds to desire what the situation demands of us. No, parenting will never get easier, but we can always strive to become better, and that’s what makes all the difference.

Things I Truly Love: A Valentine's Day Confession

Confession: I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day. More so, I feel like the word “love” and its meaning gets thrown around far too half-hazard these days and then, BOOM. In swoops Valentine’s Day to cheapen the whole damn thing. If I’m being honest, I’m embarrassed for us all that we’ve taken something so great as love and pretty much turned it into materialized, commercialized crap.

I don’t believe in setting aside one special day to celebrate love, or the people in our lives that mean the world to us. We should be doing this every day. Finding joy, love and happiness in our everyday lives should be celebrated on the regular. So, if you’re currently throwing a pity party for one because you haven’t found that “special someone” in your life, or if you’re tying your self-worth to whether you receive flowers, jewelry or a fancy steak dinner today, allow me to remind you that today isn’t about tacky ass teddy bears or God awful chocolates that you wouldn’t care about any other time of the year.

It’s about celebrating love in all its glorious shapes and forms.

Along those lines, I thought it would be fun to share a few things with you guys that I truly love (aside from my daughter, family etc. Those are givens). These are a few things that I truly love and cherish daily or in my everyday life. Let us all take time to appreciate the little things in life and how they add up to be so much. Celebrate love daily, and always find the joy in simple things.

I truly love…

… the first sip of coffee in the morning.

… reading other’s words and finding a connection within them.

… the first sleep on fresh clean sheets.

… the feeling a great song invokes.

… stimulating, inspiring and engaging conversation.

… black and white photography.

… holding my daughter and feeling her skin against mine. I carried her for nine months. Sometimes it makes me incredibly sad that one day I will pick her up to hold and carry her and it will be the last time.

… the smell of butter and garlic simmering in a pan.

… an overcast, cloudy day (not raining) with a light cool breeze.

… fall and winter.

… falling asleep on the sofa. It’s so comforting to me.

… a fresh, juicy hamburger, a great glass of wine, and good, high-quality food. Perfectly cooked scallops, foie gras, and oysters raw on the half shell.

… breweries and wineries.

… cleaning. yes, cleaning. It’s incredibly soothing and cathartic to me.

… the smell of an old book, or any book for that matter.

… fresh flowers in the home.

… traveling.

… snail mail, written letters and cards.

… the ocean and sand between my toes.

…musicals, the theatre, independent movies and documentaries.

… animals, and their unique ability to show unconditional love to anyone and everyone.

How about you? What are some things that really tug at your heartstrings and radiate love? 

Dear Bloggers & Writers: This Isn't "Business As Usual"

I’ve been trying for a while to compose the following thoughts that have been on my mind and to say that it’s been difficult would be a huge understatement. I’ve tried every approach known to man to express what I’m feeling without coming across as harsh but in the end, it doesn’t work. It doesn’t work because I’m not being true to myself and my voice and while yes, my blog is a place where I discuss the ups and downs of parenting, it’s also a place where I discuss life openly, honestly and bravely. I’ve never backed down from this stance so I’m not going to start now.

As you may have noticed lately, our democracy, nation and humanity is imploding. Daily, we are being pushed towards the brink of economic, civil and global disaster. Our government is literally breaking into a million pieces with no relief in sight. Women, families, working parents, children and minorities are under attack like we’ve ever seen pre-Ronald Regan era. Having said all of this, I must ask…

Where are the bloggers and writers?

You have a platform. You have a voice. The two go hand in hand. I know what you’re thinking: “But I don’t do that on my blog or website. I don’t usually write about that.” So, you don’t stand up for what is right? Interesting.

“I have a brand to maintain.” No one cares. Sorry, they don’t. People are living paycheck to paycheck, fretting about how they’re going to afford health insurance and for some families, how they’re going to stay together without being literally ripped apart by Trump’s immigration policy. “The struggle is real” is no longer a cute little hashtag to use for all our perfectly poised pictures but a reality for millions of Americans. It is in fact a “struggle.” So, no. Unless you’re going to tell me how to wear those cute little ankle booties in a march, or which is the best lipstick to wear while telling Trump to pucker up and kiss my ass, or the best scarf selection for those cold morning protests, or the best wine pairings to partake of while planning the resistance, I don’t have time. I’m tired AF seeing recipes, yoga, travel and fashion posts like the damn world isn’t burning to the ground.

And that’s my frustration now. Do I expect that everyone should be posting political commentary 24/7? No. Do I think that on some level we as bloggers and writers should all be standing up to talk about the issues, our fears, and our feelings about recent events? YES. If you can use your platform to sell all kinds of mindless shit no one really needs, pimp brands that do only one thing – make their companies richer, and make a dollar for yourself, then you can use your same influential voice to speak up for the issues and things that truly matter in this life. Here’s how you do it…

Write a post about the organizations you’re supporting right now and why. Actually, DO a comedic piece about which wines, beers or beverages you enjoy while trying to take in the daily news. This is humor and keeping things light while still talking about the issues. Write a post about your recentparticipation in a march or protest and why you decided to be involved. Use your blog to share a sample letter that you can use to send to your local and state representatives. This is the perfect post to share that really reaches those people who may want to be involved but don’t know where to start. If you post DIY material, show us how to make the best political signs. Share your thoughts on an issue that is important to you and why it affects others, good or bad. Share a post on how to spread love and peace during turbulent times. The point is, find a method of support that works for you and DO IT.

But to the bloggers and writers staying “on brand” and operating like business as usual, like nothing is happening? I’m sorry, I can’t support that. The majority of you to whom I speak are women. How can you not speak up? Do you not realize that the only reason you’re able to have a voice, or a business, or a “side hustle” is because of the women who came before you in protest to give it to you? Be brave. Buck up. People want to talk about this! Find your voice and share it because honestly, all our lives are depending on it.

“Our lives end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

Why I Marched: Women's March on Washington - Pittsburgh

This weekend, I had the honor of marching in the Women’s March on Washington in Pittsburgh. To say it was an amazingly powerful day would be a huge understatement. Honestly, I don’t know if there’s one word, or any blog post, that could accurately describe the meaning and impact of Saturday. Not only did women from all over our country march, but women from all over the WORLD participated; France, Australia, South Africa, Great Britain, New Zealand, and every state in the USA, some states with multiple marches. Powerful, right? This global initiative simply proves the WORLD’S hesitation, fear and disgust of our new President and his administration.

Before I go any further, let me share with you the mission of the Women’s March so you know how it got started so you can understand its importance. From the Women’s March Facebook page:

“On January 21, 2017 we will unite in Washington, DC for the Women’s March on Washington. We stand together in solidarity with our partners and children for the protection of our rights, our safety, our health, and our families, recognizing that our vibrant and diverse communities are the strength of our country.

The rhetoric of the past election cycle has insulted, demonized, and threatened many of us: immigrants of all statuses, Muslims and those of diverse religious faiths, people who identify as LGBTQIA, Native people, Black and Brown people, people with disabilities, and survivors of sexual assault. Our communities are hurting and scared. We are confronted with the question of how to move forward in the face of national and international concern and fear. 

In the spirit of democracy and in honor of the champions of human rights, dignity, and justice who have come before us, we join in diversity to show our presence in numbers too great to ignore. The Women’s March on Washington will send a bold message to our new administration on their first day in office, and to the world, that women’s rights are human rights. We stand together, recognizing that defending the most marginalized among us is defending all of us. 

We support the advocacy and resistance movements that reflect our multiple and intersecting identities. We call on all defenders of human rights to join us. This march is the first step towards unifying our communities, grounded in new relationships, to create change from the grassroots level up. We will not rest until women have parity and equity at all levels of leadership in society. We work peacefully while recognizing there is no true peace without justice and equity for all. HEAR OUR VOICE.”

Considering that all women are different, have different lifestyles and different things that affect them, their families and their friends daily, it’s hard to say *this* is the reason all women marched. I can only tell you why *I* marched. It’s not because I’m a “sore loser” or a “cry baby.” It’s not because I see life through rose-colored glasses and expect everything in life to be fair all the time and go my way, and it’s not because I’m a “whiny liberal.”

It’s quite the opposite, really.

I marched because I care about our country and all its people. I marched for those asking, “Will my marriage still be legal?” I marched for those asking, “How will I be able to afford health care for me and my family?” I marched for those worried about their safety as a woman, man or child of color. I marched for all the moms who send their children off to school every day asking, “Will my transgender child be safe at school?” I marched for women everywhere asking, “Will Roe vs. Wade be overturned? What about my rights for my own body?” I marched for families wondering where they will find and desperately seeking affordable, safe housing. I marched for those worried and concerned about the increase of militarization of police. I marched for those individuals struggling to make it through the day with mental illness who have no resources or funds to take care of themselves.

I marched because I care about women and the struggles, that even in the year 2017, we still face daily. I care about how women are treated and viewed. I care about being seen in a world where women and young girls are told and taught to stop being bossy, stop making a scene, and don’t rock the boat. Be a lady. I marched because we now have a President and administration who proved time and time again through their campaign in talk and in action how little respect they have for women, people of color, people with disabilities, and those with differing religious views.

Most of all, I marched for my own daughter.

I want my daughter to know that she is her own divine creature in this world. She is strong, brave, courageous and important. I want her to know that it’s no one’s business but her own what she does with her body, including her choice to carry or not carry a child. I want her to know without a shadow of a doubt that she is free, empowered and a powerful force to be reckoned with in this life. I want her – and all young girls – to know that myself and millions of other women fought for them, their rights, and their futures – just like the generations of women who came before us. 

So, no. I won’t simply “be quiet” or “just move on” or “accept it.” There’s nothing more beautiful in our country than peaceful, organized, legal dissent and democracy in action. You know what's not so beautiful? That people apparently have a HUGE problem with women stepping up to the plate STILL in the year 2017 and that’s unfortunate. I am prepared to fight back and will keep doing so until my last breath. Keep marching, keep speaking, keep going.

"A woman is like a tea bag—you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water." 

—Eleanor Roosevelt

It's Okay to Celebrate Christmas NOW!

I’ve noticed an interesting trend happening lately in the social media world that I’ve come to dub as holiday shaming. 

Over the past couple of weeks since Halloween, I’ve witnessed a large number of people going insane – I mean, losing their shit insane – over the mere presence and mention of anything to do with Christmas or “holiday” related items, whether it be the sighting of a hanging wreath, to radio stations playing Christmas music, to stores decorating for the holidays, but especially, friends posting their own holiday and Christmas decorations on Facebook and Instagram. And those poor folks? Those poor guys are taking a beating. 

Lately, I’ve read comments on pictures that have been posted by those who’ve decided to start celebrating Christmas and the holiday season to include:

“Are you serious?! Christmas decorations already? Um, hello crazy! We’re not there yet!”

“Maybe you’re too dumb to read a calendar but it’s just November.”

“So disrespectful and rude!” (Made in reference to a picture of a wreath hanging on a friend’s front door)

Aside from my sheer disbelief that anyone could be so riled up over something so silly, what baffles and upsets me even more are the responses from those being trolled. These people are taking down their decorations, turning off their holiday music and deleting their festive photos. What’s worse, they are apologizing – yes apologizing – for simply exercising their right to celebrate what they believe and the ones who stand their ground and post pictures anyway feel the need to preface their photos or shares with comments like, “I know, I know Christmas is still a month away” or “Don’t judge” or worse, “Okay you guys, don’t get mad at me but I was so proud of myself for making our wreath that I wanted to share this picture!”

Why are we doing this to each other?

I get it. Christmas can be materialistic. The meaning gets lost in the commercialism of it all. Let’s get through Thanksgiving first.

I hear you.

I truly do.

However…

How is someone else’s joy in celebrating the holiday season (And it is a season. That’s important to note. November through December is the holiday SEASON) impeding on your life? How is someone’s choice to hang a decoration here and there affecting what you believe and how you carry on your day to day life? So your neighbor sets up and decorates their Christmas tree. 

So what? Whatever happened to the simple concept of live and let live?

Here’s a little confession for you guys: When we set up our Christmas tree last year, I kept that baby sparked up until the end of June. Why? Because it made me happy, it made my daughter happy and it brought joy to our home, plain and simple, and I make ZERO apologies for it because here’s the thing…

I never wanted that good feeling to end. Yes, in the times we live in, the holidays can be stressful and consuming but I’ve often found far more joy in the holiday season than bad. It’s the one time of year where you can actually see the good in humanity come out. People extend beyond themselves to reach out to others and often times, you will witness many a “Christmas miracle” happen. I love the joy and wonderment in our children’s eyes as they marvel at all the season has to offer but most importantly, the season centers me and makes me feel whole as a human again. It does, it really does. I’m reminded of how eternally blessed I am and how I have the opportunity to bless others’ lives as well. It is truly a miraculous time of year. 

And honestly, with everything going on in our world today, couldn’t we all use a little more joy and peace on earth? I think so.

Do you want to know what I think? I think we are a country full of people just looking for any reason at all to be offended. I think there are people everywhere who crave an opportunity to complain. I also think we are bogged down and overrun with bullies.

That’s right – bullies. Holiday shaming bullies.

I take nothing away from those who feel the celebration of Christmas shouldn’t begin until December, I really don’t. You're entitled to believe and practice what you want. What I do have a problem with are the actions these same people take in making others – who have the right to celebrate when and how they choose – feel bad about themselves and their choices and quite honestly, if you’re one of the Judgy McJudgersons reading this who think it’s fun to holiday shame, you should probably know that your actions of anger, judgment and belittlement towards another say far more about you and your character than the people who choose to celebrate. 

#justsayin

To those of you who are currently celebrating the holiday season I say: Wave your Christmas flag high and proud. Slap up those wreaths and blast that Christmas music. Bake till your little heart’s content and whip out those holiday crafts with the kiddos because really, what you’re doing shouldn’t matter to anyone else but you, and your actions are hurting no one. 

More importantly in your joy of celebrating the holiday season, don’t forget to…

Share the true meaning of the season with those you love and those who might be a little harder to love. Donate to the less fortunate and give to those in need. Volunteer your time and resources to an organization in your community. Feed a hungry family. Provide toys and clothing for Christmas morning for children who are less fortunate. Visit the elderly and the sick. 

Revel and immerse yourselves into the true meaning of the season because trust me, our country can use all the love you have to give. To quote the Vince Guaraldi Trio:

“Oh that we could always see such spirit through the year…”

4 Disappointments I'm Thankful For

With Thanksgiving coming up, we’re always encouraged to take stock of all the things we’re thankful for and the positive blessings we have in our lives like family, financial stability, children and jobs.

But what about showing gratitude and thankfulness for the things in our lives that may be challenges, disappointments and let downs? How do we handle those?

Throughout my life, I’ve often found that some of my biggest blessings have come about because of mistakes, disappointments or life just sucking in general. It’s true. If you stop and really give some thought to a few of your biggest flounders and let downs, you can probably find the silver lining and blessing in each of them. 

Allow me to start. 

My Divorce. 

No one ever goes into their marriage with the expectation that it will end but in 2009, mine did and looking back, it was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. Once I was able to leave the dead weight behind, my life blossomed and more so, my dreams, hopes and goals began to take shape. If I hadn’t left my ex-husband, I would have never met Michael, had our beautiful daughter, have my writing take off, and be as successful as I am today. I was so mired down in the crap that was my marriage that a large part of my soul, and everything along with it, died. To break free from it was like a rebirth.

Lost Friendships. 

Friendships in a very small way are like marriages – it takes a lot of time and effort to make them work. Unfortunately, not all friends feel the same way and in fact, some friendships become toxic. Whether it’s because you no longer see eye to eye on a specific issue, have grown apart, have a falling out or simply just wander away from one another, friendships that end can be hard on us. 

Or are they?

When I think back to what I thought were my best friendships, and if I’m being honest, I often remember more of the issues and not enough of the good things. I also remember how it felt to have the weight of such a bad friendship lifted from my shoulders and am thankful because if I hadn’t lost those friends who weren’t truly good for me, I may have missed out on the friends that have come into my life since that have been true and lasting friendships. 

Lost Job Opportunities. 

We’ve all been there at one point or time in our career: you interview for the “perfect job.” Everything seems to be going great in the interviewing process and then BAM. You don’t get the job. 

I’ve had this happen to me a couple of times.

When disappointments like this happen, it’s easy to fall into the “Woe is me” trap and carry feelings of defeat, frustration and anger. I’ve done this myself but honestly, those missed job opportunities have all been blessings in disguise. After losing one particular job offer, I found out a few months later that the company I interviewed with was going through horrible financial distress and was laying-off over half of their workforce – the job I interviewed for included. By the time I found out this information, I was already happily employed elsewhere but I still shudder to think what would have happened if I had gotten that job. Thank goodness for unanswered prayers! 

Fights with my Spouse.

You’re probably scratching your forehead on this one, right? I mean, who really feels blessed after fighting with their spouse?

Hear me out.

I don’t know about you and your spouse/partner/significant other, but when Michael and I argue, it’s usually because of some misunderstanding or point of view the other person doesn’t understand. Once we’re able to get past our own emotions and actually put forth the effort of truly listening to each other, we learn far more about one another and what each of us needs in order to thrive in our relationship. I’m thankful for those weak moments that make us stronger and a more united couple. The making up from fighting isn’t a bad thing either. 

What are some unanswered prayers or disappointments you have to be thankful for? 

When Did Making Our Kids Cry on Purpose Become Entertainment?

I knew they were coming. They do every year at Halloween and every year, I’m forced to bite my tongue and try my best to scroll through and ignore the endless amounts of videos that parents, entertainment sites and news sites post of parents picking on children by pretending to eat all their Halloween candy while leaving said children in a puddle of tears and hysterics and every year, I shake my head and wonder…

When did we decide that it’s okay to intentionally make children cry and play with their emotions and then package it all up as permissible because it’s “entertainment?” Tell me again what's so funny about intentionally hurting a child's feelings to the point of hysterics??

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while now, you know that I am by no means a stick in the mud nor do I make it a point to keep a broom handle wedged up my rear end. As tempting as that sounds, it’s just not my bag of chips. For the most part, I tackle life and parenting with a lot of sarcasm and laughs while always trying to find the humor in any situation because let’s be honest – if you can’t laugh at yourself and take things with a grain of salt in parenting, you’re fucked.

But picking on defenseless kids? I can’t understand why grown adults who should know better, think this is great comedic fodder. 

Let’s look at it from this perspective: You bring your Thanksgiving leftovers to work. You stick your lunch bag in the fridge as you blow a kiss to your mother’s homemade oyster stuffing, promising to see it again soon. All morning, you think about your grandmother’s homemade green bean casserole and how good it’s all going to taste in a few short hours when you’re able to stop and eat lunch. It’s the perfect treat you’ve been waiting for all morning. 

Lunch time arrives and you’re starving. You go to the fridge for your food but, SURPRISE! It’s gone. All of it. You search frantically for your lunch bag but can’t find it anywhere. Your initial gut feeling is panic which turns to anger which then quickly turns to sadness and desperation, all within a matter of minutes. What will you eat for lunch now? 

But wait! It’s just a joke! Your coworker thought it would be a hysterical idea to take something of yours and make you believe that it was gone. Something of value to you. Something, that to you, was important. Not only did he pull off such a “hysterical joke,” he made sure to video your response and blast it all over social media for the world to see, laugh at, poke fun of, belittle and mock.

Not funny, right? Anyone who’s ever had their lunch stolen, eaten or taken at work knows how this is so not funny. It’s also less amusing when it turns out to be a joke. Now, imagine how your child feels about their supposedly gone or eaten candy. 

It’s easy to say, “It’s just candy! Get over it!” but that’s really not the point. We’re talking about children, young children. To them, their Halloween candy is a big deal. In the mind of a child, they worked hard for their candy and in some instances, were probably threatened to not have the chance to go trick or treating for their Halloween candy if they didn’t follow X, Y or Z rule and behave. In the mind of a child, that bag of Halloween candy is a source of pride; something they hold value in. It’s just as important to them as a new outfit, car or anything else of value would mean to an adult. What I wouldn’t give to see the look on some parents’ faces if their child were to tell them (jokingly, unbeknownst to them) that they ruined their new outfit or did something to their brand new iPhone. I feel pretty confident in thinking that most adults would flip out, too. As adults, we have a hard time dealing with our emotions being played with so carelessly, so why would we expect our kids to be any different? 

It’s a crazy concept, I know. Respecting others; even if it means they are half our size. Here’s a news flash: Kids! They’re actually people! 

I’m also the kind of person who wouldn’t hide a coworker’s lunch and tell them I ate it, allowing them to get angry and worked up for a few minutes to the point that they wanted to hit me and then tell them it was, “just humor.” No one likes that, especially children who lack the mental development to deal with their emotions properly. 

It’s science. We expect our children to behave like adults, even though they lack the ability and apparently, their role models have no idea what being an adult means either, and at the same time, we treat them as second class citizens and act like we’re superior in some way because we’ve been sitting around on the planet for more years than they have. 

“Oh, Courtney, get over yourself. It’s just for fun. Make sure you pick up a bag of humor from your local grocer’s freezer section on the way home from work today.”

Oh! Is that all it is? Well that makes sense. I had a hard time finding what I needed because I didn’t recognize the label, “How to Be a Complete Bitch in a Bag.” Wow. It’s really working! I suddenly think making children cry is hilarious! Maybe I’ll throw some handicapped women out of their wheelchairs, kick an entire litter of puppies and then for more shits and giggles, I’ll stop by an adoption agency on the way home to pretend like I’m interested in adopting some children but SIKE. I’m not. Man, its fun to be one of the cool, funny kids. What fun things do we have planned next? Stealing all the Jell-O from the senior citizens at the local retirement home and telling them they already ate it? Wooooo! What great fun! 

I admit, maybe I’m becoming a softie in my old age. More so, I’m sure having a child of my own turned me into a big ball of sap. I don’t know, but whatever it is, seeing a child cry, especially for no good reason just isn’t my jam at all. I mean, really. Who wants to hear a child cry period let alone giving them a reason to? 

No, that’s not my scene at all. And let’s just be honest – pranks as a whole usually suck. I can’t think of any prank that I’ve been privy to that really amused me. I’m usually left thinking, “That’s some really dumb shit.” But when it’s a prank concocted by a parent that a child trusts? No thanks. If that’s what it takes to be funny these days to get a laugh, then I guess I’ll just stay old and unfunny. 

Or here’s a thought to consider…

Find ways to be humorous that don’t include playing with a child’s emotions or picking on them. Find a way to be funny that isn’t degrading. Find a way to be funny that isn’t mean. I hear so many people say how mean kids are these days a rule of thumb and how kindness has all but gone to the wayside. Well, what do you expect when you are modeling mean behavior? 

I hope that as my five-year-old grows up, she understands what is truly funny and how to share her quick and brilliant wit with others in ways that aren’t hurtful. There are so many ways to make people laugh that don’t have to be manufactured by meanness. More so, I hope she knows what it means to be truly kind and thoughtful of another’s feelings because really, that’s what’s severely lacking in our world today – kindness and thoughtfulness to others.

I never want my child to think its okay to laugh at someone else’s distress, whether it’s real or made up. As her parent, it’s my job to make sure it doesn’t happen. We’re all responsible. I know we can do and be so much better than this. 

The world already has plenty of assholes. How about choosing kindness for a change?