Stop Perpetuating the Lie That Parenting "Gets Easier"

When Maddy was born, I remember having the overwhelming feeling that having a baby was the hardest thing in the world. Being a first-time mom, everything about it seemed difficult; trying to figure out why my baby wouldn’t breastfeed to establishing a sleep routine, the non-stop crying and screaming from gas, the endless mountains of laundry, a bout with post-partum depression, and feeling exhausted and hormonal all the time only solidified my position that caring for a baby was hard. How in the world would I ever make it through? When would I ever come up for air? I remember expressing these thoughts to family and friends who have children and without hesitation, nine out of ten of them would respond with, “Don’t worry, sweetie. It gets easier.”

Looking back, I realize now what my mistake was: I took their sentiment to heart and believed them. I made the mistake of waiting, hoping, and praying for parenting to get easier. And while some aspects of the new mom parenting fog lifted, the actual demands of parenting never really got easier…they just shifted and morphed into new challenges. Bottles and formula turned into solid foods with a picky eater. Diapers turned into potty training challenges. My baby who used to sleep through my night turned into a toddler who didn’t sleep for five years. My easy-going baby morphed into a demon overnight with the onset of the terrible twos and when I really think about it, the threes going into the fours were worse. There was learning how to juggle being a working mom with my new lifestyle, learning how to discipline, and learning how to accommodate a clingy toddler while being able to still have a few slivers of precious me time. My relationships with my friends who didn’t have children changed, and it was no one’s fault. It’s simply what happens when kids come into the picture, but the anxiety of finding supportive mom friends was exhausting. It was all exhausting because here’s the truth that no parent wants to hear or even admit…

Parenting doesn’t get easier. Ever.

I know when you’re in the throes of the newborn days and you haven’t showered in a week and your boobs are constantly out and being sucked on and you’re in it, I mean, really in it, it feels like it’s the hardest damn thing you will ever do and yes, it is. It really is, I don’t take that away from you, but here’s the thing…

There will always be hard things in parenting. Whether it’s an issue you’re dealing with now or even something you can’t imagine that will hit you down the road, one thing’s for sure: there will always be hard times in parenting, they will just look, and be hard, in different ways and yes, while we all go through brief periods of even-keel, smooth sailing, life as a parent, or simply life in general, is anything but care-free; it’s a constant roller coaster ride of up and down emotions and circumstances.  

This is why we need to stop perpetuating the lie, “Don’t worry, sweetie. It gets easier.” It’s a false sense of security, normalcy, and just plain wrong.

Parenting doesn’t get easier. If anything, it just changes its shape and form. At any point of any given day, my almost six-year-old could be the happiest child in the world but have a complete meltdown over what I fix her for dinner. On any given day, I’m forced to juggle being a working mom and keeping my boss happy with trying to also take care of a sick child. On any given day, at any given time, I’m struggling to keep peace in my home as my ever-growing child stretches and tests the bounds of her independence, ever-evolving personality, and strong-willed demeanor. Throw on top of this simply trying to raise a child to learn right from wrong, kindness, empathy, and how to live in the world, and most days, I honestly feel like I’m barely holding on by my fingertips. There simply isn’t one version of hard. It’s all hard.

But there is a silver lining…

While being a parent will never be easy, you will get better. As a parent, you can’t help but to grow and learn from every stage of parenting. Every conflict, battle, argument, sassy attitude, mess, tantrum, and good moment is an opportunity for growth. Every time we yell, or fail, or feel we could have handled a situation differently, we are learning and growing and in return, pathing the path for the future to be a little more tolerable. It’s a constant process of losing and finding ourselves and assessing what parenting looks like in each stage because the reality is, you don’t parent your preschool child the same way you parented your toddler. It’s constantly changing, the way we parent our children, which is why it’s anything but easy.

Instead of waiting for calm, easy waters, I urge each of us to learn to become more of a skilled sailor. Accept that parenting will never “get easier” and work each day to navigate through the ups and downs of this ocean called parenting. Instead of believing falsehoods, let us train our minds to desire what the situation demands of us. No, parenting will never get easier, but we can always strive to become better, and that’s what makes all the difference.

10 Ways to Practice Random Acts of Kindness With Your Children

A few years ago, after giving birth to our daughter, I found myself in the drive-thru of McDonalds ordering 3 apple turnovers, a large coke, a quarter pounder with cheese and a large fry. I had made it through one of those kinds of nights: baby crying for most of the night, little to no sleep and a severe neck cramp brought on by bending my body like a pretzel, all to get Maddy to sleep in a comfortable position so that hopefully, I could get some sleep too. After a night like that, I was in no mood to cook and felt I deserved a little refined sugar, salty, grease reward.

As I waited my turn in the drive-thru, I looked out my rearview mirror. After getting past the fact that I hadn’t showered or washed my hair in days, I happened to notice that the man behind me was crying in his car. Crying. In the McDonald’s drive-thru. My heart immediately went out to this man. I did not know him and I had never seen him before in my life. All I knew from what I could see was that this man was feeling an immense amount of pain so deep, that it forced a breakdown in a public place. At that very moment, my heart went out to him and I wanted to help.

But how? I did not know this man and I wasn’t about to get out of my car, walk through the drive-thru line and hold everyone up. Then the idea hit me – pay for his food. As I pulled up to the window, I asked the cashier how much the total was for the car behind me. It was around $10 so I asked if it could be added to my bill. I paid for both of our meals and left. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I happened to look back in my rearview mirror once more to see the same man who just minutes before was so upset, was now so overjoyed.

I pulled out of the parking lot and made my way down the road feeling the happiest I had in weeks. As I came to a stop at the intersection and waited for the light, a car pulled up beside me. As I turned to the right of me to look around, the man in the car was waving his hands for me to roll down my window. It was the same man who was behind me in the drive-thru. What he told me next left me feeling nothing short of humbled and grateful.

He told me that he had literally just left his office after finding out that he lost his job and being the only breadwinner in the family, had no idea how he was going to take care of his wife and their three children. In shock after hearing the news, he went to McDonald’s on a whim but quickly realized after ordering his meal, that he didn’t have any money on him. That’s when he broke down and lost it. He thanked me profusely and said that while he was still very scared about his family’s future, he knew everything would be okay in the end. The light turned green and we parted ways. I never saw him again but I like to think that now, a few years later, he and his family are doing well.  

I do not share this story with you to earn kudos or to gain attention. My point for telling this story is simple: we never know the struggles others are going through. When we are able, extend a helping hand. Offer a kind word. We never know how our actions will affect others, good or bad.

Along this same line, I’ve thought of this incident often, especially now that I have a child of my own to raise in a world where kindness isn’t always commonplace. We’ve all heard the catch phrase “random acts of kindness,” and while we may try to show kindness to others, how do we as parents instill those values in our children? We live in such a materialistic, greedy, self-centered world and teaching our children to step beyond that is no small task. I believe in setting the example through our actions. Our children will look to us for direction and guidance. They will also learn what they live so what do our actions say?

Finding ways to practice random acts of kindness doesn’t have to be a blown-out production. Kindness comes in many different shapes, sizes and forms and while this one act of kindness came with a price tag, most acts of kindness can be done for free. Below, I'm sharing 10 ideas of simple random acts of kindness that you can do with your children at any age to help them understand this concept so they can apply it in their own lives for a lifetime.

ONE. Leave a homemade treat with a kind note for your mailman in the mailbox. These men and women provide such a thankless service every day regardless of weather conditions, traffic and more. Let them know you appreciate what they do for you.

TWO. Buy the car behind you in the drive-thru a coffee or a meal.

THREE. Help an elderly neighbor with grocery shopping, yard maintenance or simply spend some time with them talking and being a companion. This will mean more to them then you will ever know.

FOUR. Leave 10 {or any desired amount} of $1 bills in random spots in the dollar store. If you’re feeling extra kind, leave the 0.07 cents for tax. Imagine how happy the single mother shopping for her kids will be or the child who wants a toy but mommy and daddy are hesitant to buy one because of their tight budget. It sounds like so little to us but it makes such a HUGE difference in the lives of others who really need it.

FIVE. Make small gift baskets for kids who are in the hospital and deliver them with your children.

SIX. Make treats for your co-workers or your child’s school friends. This is a fun activity to do together while teaching a very selfless action of thinking of others.

SEVEN. Be kind to someone you dislike. Our children are always watching and listening. What do you think they see and hear when they look at you?

EIGHT. Offer your time to stressed or tired parents for free babysitting.

NINE. Buy a separate piggy bank for your child. Once it’s full, have them donate the money to the charity or organization of their choice.

TEN. Collect your child’s old books that they no longer read and donate them to a children’s center, shelter or local library.

These are just a few ideas to get you started and really, this is just the tip of the iceberg. There are so many things we can do to help spread kindness and joy to others.

This year, random acts of kindness week is February 12 – 18. I challenge and encourage each of you to find ways to spread a little kindness during that time and through the year to be a positive influence and driver for change in our world. If you need more information, ideas or inspiration, visit the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation web page.

What random acts of kindness ideas do you have to share?

When Did Making Our Kids Cry on Purpose Become Entertainment?

I knew they were coming. They do every year at Halloween and every year, I’m forced to bite my tongue and try my best to scroll through and ignore the endless amounts of videos that parents, entertainment sites and news sites post of parents picking on children by pretending to eat all their Halloween candy while leaving said children in a puddle of tears and hysterics and every year, I shake my head and wonder…

When did we decide that it’s okay to intentionally make children cry and play with their emotions and then package it all up as permissible because it’s “entertainment?” Tell me again what's so funny about intentionally hurting a child's feelings to the point of hysterics??

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while now, you know that I am by no means a stick in the mud nor do I make it a point to keep a broom handle wedged up my rear end. As tempting as that sounds, it’s just not my bag of chips. For the most part, I tackle life and parenting with a lot of sarcasm and laughs while always trying to find the humor in any situation because let’s be honest – if you can’t laugh at yourself and take things with a grain of salt in parenting, you’re fucked.

But picking on defenseless kids? I can’t understand why grown adults who should know better, think this is great comedic fodder. 

Let’s look at it from this perspective: You bring your Thanksgiving leftovers to work. You stick your lunch bag in the fridge as you blow a kiss to your mother’s homemade oyster stuffing, promising to see it again soon. All morning, you think about your grandmother’s homemade green bean casserole and how good it’s all going to taste in a few short hours when you’re able to stop and eat lunch. It’s the perfect treat you’ve been waiting for all morning. 

Lunch time arrives and you’re starving. You go to the fridge for your food but, SURPRISE! It’s gone. All of it. You search frantically for your lunch bag but can’t find it anywhere. Your initial gut feeling is panic which turns to anger which then quickly turns to sadness and desperation, all within a matter of minutes. What will you eat for lunch now? 

But wait! It’s just a joke! Your coworker thought it would be a hysterical idea to take something of yours and make you believe that it was gone. Something of value to you. Something, that to you, was important. Not only did he pull off such a “hysterical joke,” he made sure to video your response and blast it all over social media for the world to see, laugh at, poke fun of, belittle and mock.

Not funny, right? Anyone who’s ever had their lunch stolen, eaten or taken at work knows how this is so not funny. It’s also less amusing when it turns out to be a joke. Now, imagine how your child feels about their supposedly gone or eaten candy. 

It’s easy to say, “It’s just candy! Get over it!” but that’s really not the point. We’re talking about children, young children. To them, their Halloween candy is a big deal. In the mind of a child, they worked hard for their candy and in some instances, were probably threatened to not have the chance to go trick or treating for their Halloween candy if they didn’t follow X, Y or Z rule and behave. In the mind of a child, that bag of Halloween candy is a source of pride; something they hold value in. It’s just as important to them as a new outfit, car or anything else of value would mean to an adult. What I wouldn’t give to see the look on some parents’ faces if their child were to tell them (jokingly, unbeknownst to them) that they ruined their new outfit or did something to their brand new iPhone. I feel pretty confident in thinking that most adults would flip out, too. As adults, we have a hard time dealing with our emotions being played with so carelessly, so why would we expect our kids to be any different? 

It’s a crazy concept, I know. Respecting others; even if it means they are half our size. Here’s a news flash: Kids! They’re actually people! 

I’m also the kind of person who wouldn’t hide a coworker’s lunch and tell them I ate it, allowing them to get angry and worked up for a few minutes to the point that they wanted to hit me and then tell them it was, “just humor.” No one likes that, especially children who lack the mental development to deal with their emotions properly. 

It’s science. We expect our children to behave like adults, even though they lack the ability and apparently, their role models have no idea what being an adult means either, and at the same time, we treat them as second class citizens and act like we’re superior in some way because we’ve been sitting around on the planet for more years than they have. 

“Oh, Courtney, get over yourself. It’s just for fun. Make sure you pick up a bag of humor from your local grocer’s freezer section on the way home from work today.”

Oh! Is that all it is? Well that makes sense. I had a hard time finding what I needed because I didn’t recognize the label, “How to Be a Complete Bitch in a Bag.” Wow. It’s really working! I suddenly think making children cry is hilarious! Maybe I’ll throw some handicapped women out of their wheelchairs, kick an entire litter of puppies and then for more shits and giggles, I’ll stop by an adoption agency on the way home to pretend like I’m interested in adopting some children but SIKE. I’m not. Man, its fun to be one of the cool, funny kids. What fun things do we have planned next? Stealing all the Jell-O from the senior citizens at the local retirement home and telling them they already ate it? Wooooo! What great fun! 

I admit, maybe I’m becoming a softie in my old age. More so, I’m sure having a child of my own turned me into a big ball of sap. I don’t know, but whatever it is, seeing a child cry, especially for no good reason just isn’t my jam at all. I mean, really. Who wants to hear a child cry period let alone giving them a reason to? 

No, that’s not my scene at all. And let’s just be honest – pranks as a whole usually suck. I can’t think of any prank that I’ve been privy to that really amused me. I’m usually left thinking, “That’s some really dumb shit.” But when it’s a prank concocted by a parent that a child trusts? No thanks. If that’s what it takes to be funny these days to get a laugh, then I guess I’ll just stay old and unfunny. 

Or here’s a thought to consider…

Find ways to be humorous that don’t include playing with a child’s emotions or picking on them. Find a way to be funny that isn’t degrading. Find a way to be funny that isn’t mean. I hear so many people say how mean kids are these days a rule of thumb and how kindness has all but gone to the wayside. Well, what do you expect when you are modeling mean behavior? 

I hope that as my five-year-old grows up, she understands what is truly funny and how to share her quick and brilliant wit with others in ways that aren’t hurtful. There are so many ways to make people laugh that don’t have to be manufactured by meanness. More so, I hope she knows what it means to be truly kind and thoughtful of another’s feelings because really, that’s what’s severely lacking in our world today – kindness and thoughtfulness to others.

I never want my child to think its okay to laugh at someone else’s distress, whether it’s real or made up. As her parent, it’s my job to make sure it doesn’t happen. We’re all responsible. I know we can do and be so much better than this. 

The world already has plenty of assholes. How about choosing kindness for a change?  

When Your Only Child Wants a Sibling

At first the statements and requests of having a brother or sister happened occasionally and usually without warning. “Maddy, can you please pass me the ketchup?” I’d say over dinner to which she would casually reply, “Okay. Hey mommy. Why don’t I have a brother or sister? Can I get one?” she asks, as if it’s that easy, like we’re doing our normal Target run on a Saturday and oh hey! While you’re getting that twelve pack of TP, don’t forget to swing down isle seven for a sister!

The truth is, I expected the questions and curiosity… I just wasn’t expecting them so soon at the ripe old age of five. Sure, we’ve talked many times about how babies grow in a mommy’s belly, the diversity of families and how some people have kids while others don’t but lately, the questions and demands for a sibling have become more frequent and as a result, have often left me questioning my own choice to be one and done with regards to parenting.

When you become a parent, your main objective immediately becomes: give your child the best life possible; schooling, personal care and development, guidance, healthcare – everything. In every choice you make that involves your family, your thoughts and considerations always turn to the child first – “Will this choice be a good one for my child? How will it affect him/her?” I can only speak for myself but I’ve always tried to consider Maddy’s feelings, wants and wishes when it comes to a few of my choices. It’s not always easy and rarely is it ever cut and dry. Most of the time, there is a huge grey area in parenting, especially with choices that not only affect the child, but yourself as well. Yes, you want to consider your child’s feelings but at what cost? I’ve always been a firm believer that just because parents want to give their child the best life possible, that doesn’t mean that said parents have to completely forfeit theirs.  At what point do your own wants outweigh your child’s? Here’s another way to look at it…

When flying, have you ever noticed during the flight instructions that the flight attendant tells you in situations where oxygen masks are released, to give yourself oxygen first before trying to help others? I’ll admit, the first few times I heard that I thought, “How selfish!” It’s only been since I’ve become a parent that I’ve come to really understand this philosophy, which is simply, you have to be okay first before you can even think about helping or making decisions for others. Your own foundation has to be solid in order for you to know how to move forward. Sometimes in parenting, it’s a dire necessity to be selfish. Sometimes in the messy and chaotic thick of the everyday, it’s imperative to your own well-being that you think of what’s best for yourself first, then consider others and what their needs might be. This is why Maddy will always be an only child. I know what my limitations are. I know that in order for me to breathe and to be the best parent possible, I can only be a parent to one.

Do I ever feel guilty about my choice? Sure. It’s hard not to when the child you love more than anything and want to make happy comes to you and asks for a brother or a sister and you have to be the bearer of bad news. It’s hard to try and explain such grown up things to a five year old, but I try. I’m honest with Maddy and I share my true feelings and I think she understands. Most times, I get the feeling that what she hears is Charlie Brown’s teacher saying, “Wok, wok, wok, wok, wok.” Time will tell. In the end, I hope she comes to know that our choice for her to be an only child never came from a selfish place. Quite the opposite, really. I hope she understands that our choice to be one and done came from a place of love and concern. A place that in order for us to be the best parents possible, she was enough.

So in the end, I’ve decided to do what every normal, only child parent does. Compromise. I will get her a dog instead.  

Four Kid's Cartoon Characters I'd Like to Punch in the Face

As a kid, I loved watching cartoons especially on Saturday mornings. There was nothing better than filling up a big bowl of Frosted Flakes, making a huge, fluffy pillow pile on the floor and snuggling up to watch Jem, The Smurfs and Looney Tunes. Childhood goals on point.

Fast forward about 33 years later as an adult with my own almost five year-old in tow, and it’s a completely different story. Getting up at 6 AM on the weekend is no longer appealing and while I’m a Frosted Flakes girl for life, nowadays, I’d much rather have a hot cup of caffeine-filled coffee to get me going for the day instead of a cold bowl of cereal.

And the cartoons these days? Eh. Maybe I’m showing my age, but the cartoon era of the 1980’s will always be the best in my opinion. Cartoons these days are just downright annoying and in some cases, borderline inappropriate for some ages. More than that if I’m being honest, most days I’m done adulating, even if I’ve only stepped foot out of bed. If it’s the weekday, by the time I work all day, come home and take care of my family, the house and the pets, do the bedtime routine and cook dinner, I’m fried. Hello, digital babysitter!

The thing is, most of the cartoons my daughter likes, I can’t stand. Some nights and mornings I do my best to completely tune it all out because I just can’t. With that said, I give you the top four children’s cartoon characters I’d love to punch in the face.

What Will My Daughter Remember About Her Childhood?

This weekend while entertaining our out of town friends Joe and Mimi, I took some time to sit with Maddy in the living room and simply play blocks with her. It’s one of the things she enjoys most; building a car wash to run her Hot Wheels through or a Target or Chick-fil-a, two of the places we frequent the most. Michael was deep in the middle of cooking dinner with help from Joe and Mimi so it was the perfect opportunity to get some one-on-one time with my girl. As we sat and played, Mimi looked over to me and said, “I remember my mother playing with me. It’s one of the best memories I have of her growing up. Whether she was reading a book to me at bedtime or playing a board game with me, those are the times I remember most and cherish. You are doing such a good thing with Maddy by playing with her. She will always remember this time together.” 

It was such a sweet comment and compliment. I tried to allow myself the momentary feel good, the positive. As moms, I think we have a wonderful way of poo-pooing compliments anyone may extend to us about our parenting. We are gold medal winners at finding exceptions, excuses and rebuttals as to why we don’t deserve compliments or positive commentary on our abilities, but the more the comment marinated in my mind, the more I began to feel uncomfortable and fretful. The more the word, “remember” turned over and over again in my mind, the more I couldn’t help but feel worried.

If You're a Parent, You're Matt and Melissa Graves

The evening of February 1^st 2014 started like any other regular night. We came home, had dinner, played for a while and then decided to snuggle up on our bed in the master bedroom and watch a movie. Maddy was around two and a half years old and like most toddlers that age, very active. While she would sit for extended amounts of time to watch a movie, she also had the tendency to want to get up to move around. What toddler wouldn’t? I’ve yet to meet a two and a half year old who can sit still for an hour and a half long movie. If you have, contact Guinness Book of World Records.

As we were watching the movie, Maddy began to get restless. At first she started to roll around. Then rolling around turned into a little light playing around then before I knew it, she started jumping and just like that, she fell off the bed. Our bed is a four-poster queen size bed that sits high off the ground. When I say my daughter fell off the bed, she literally took a dive and when she did, she landed on her wrist which broke. I was hysterical with fear coupled with an immense amount of heartbreak. How could this have happened and so quickly? I was right there. I was watching her. I had my full attention on my child yet, she still got injured.

I am Matt and Melissa Graves.

Four Ways to Teach Our Kids How to do Good In a World Full of Hate

If there's one thing I've learned over the last four years of being a parent, it's that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. I’m just being honest. I read all the books, took all the classes, listened to all the unwanted advice, and watched all the parenting videos but let's be real - there is nothing that can prepare you for having your first child. It's a crazy roller coaster ride of emotions. Between the lack of sleep, adjusting to a new life and new normal, and learning about your child, it's easy to get caught up in the day to day hum-drum of life and forget our focus as parents. While I admit that I’m still learning every day how to do this parenting gig right, there was one concept that I was certain of from the day that Maddy was born that I wanted her to understand: How to not only be good but to do good in this world. 

I believe this characteristic of fostering good works starts early in childhood development and is either fostered to its full potential or thrown to the wayside as our children grow up to be adults. I would say that from her sixth month on, Michael and I made it a point to begin instilling the ‘Not only be good but do good’ mentality into Maddy’s everyday life. It’s not a method that comes easily because it requires constant attention to our own actions, but it’s something that we work towards on a daily basis in getting her to understand good works and how our actions, words and deeds affect others.

Five Tips for Raising a Strong-Willed Child

I'm totally willing to admit that I'm smitten by my daughter's gumption, independence, care free spirit and determination. I've witnessed her solve problems all on her own. I've shared the thrill of her figuring out how to put on her sandals while being able to successfully secure the strap all on her own. I've seen the love and care she gives to all of her friends at school. I've observed how confidently she expresses herself to her teachers, family, friends and us. I know all of these wonderful traits will take my little girl far in life and I feel so honored to be able to tag along for the ride. 

Having said all of this, don't let that cute little face fool you. I will be the first to admit that my little girl is a strong-willed child. From early on in her development, we noticed that she would have temper tantrums over the simplest of things if she wasn't able to do them just so or to her liking. Over the years, bedtime has been a challenge and so has dinner time with getting her to eat certain things or getting her to eat anything at all. Sometimes, even a very simple trip to the grocery store can turn into a battle of wills where picking out snacks or food for lunches is concerned. 

Regardless, it's very important to myself and Michael that Maddy understands that there are certain rules she has to follow and that she maintain a certain level of self-control in our home and when we're out in public. I've learned that with Maddy, as with most strong-willed kids, flare-ups typically happen when she feels powerless or without control which is something very important to a preschooler as it's something they crave early on as a form of independence. 

So the question then becomes how can you help your child feel like they are in control and have a voice even though you as the parent are really the one in control of your child and the rules? Here are some tips I’ve learned from parenting my own strong-willed child. 

A Child's 10 Commandments For Parents

Every day as parents, we’re dishing out a list of rules and commandments to our kids; do this, don’t do that. Use your manners. Clean up behind you. Don’t put your fingers there. Play nicely with one another. Make sure to share your toys. Don’t ride the dog like a pony.

Often times I’ve wondered what our little kids are thinking in return but don’t have the ability to verbalize. If we have our daily list of commandments, thoughts and rules, surely they have theirs. If I were to place myself in the shoes of a child, here are the 10 commandments I think they would want us to know about childhood:

For the Mother Struggling to Find Happiness & Hope

Most mothers and families are in a constant season of change, and while change can be a very intimidating and daunting thing, I tend to think it can also be therapeutic and refreshing for the soul. 

It’s really all about your perspective. 

For most of us, it’s easy to be happy and find joy in life when things are going our way. When life is clicking along like clockwork and all the puzzle pieces are snug, secure and in the right place, we are grateful and content. Our happiness and outlook on life comes easy and for the most part, we are filled with hope and excitement for the future. 

But what about when life isn’t so great and the challenges and mountains seem impossible to overcome? What about those times in life where our happiness, security and hope are challenged? What is our mindset then? 

Unexpected life decisions, changes and alterations to our daily happiness and routine have a way of testing our will and spirit, sometimes to the breaking point. When you feel as if your security and contentment are compromised, it’s easy to become discouraged and even harder to find the positivity and hope that things will eventually be better. 

I know this because I’ve certainly lived through these seasons as a mother. Through the years, our family has had to make some important decisions about our future and every day, my will, happiness and hope is put to the test. Honestly, most days I feel like throwing my hands in the air and giving up. Saying “I quit!” and hiding in the closet with a huge plate of tacos seems like a better option than being an adult all the time. Becoming closed off and negative about my life and circumstances outside of my control seems easier to accomplish than exercising faith and hope. 

It’s during these hard times that it’s more important than ever to hold tight to our happiness in hope.

I don’t know what you’re facing in your life today. As you get up to start your day, I have no clue of the feelings that are washing over you like waves. I’m unaware of your challenges, your joys, your heartaches and your needs, but I have one simple question for you:

What do you see when you look at the dandelions above?

For some people, they see despair and the ugliness of life literally growing all around them and no matter how much they try to pluck the ugly from their lives, it keeps coming back time and time again.

For some people, they see hope, a wish. For some people, they see a moment to close their eyes and imagine all of the wonderful and amazing possibilities of life and then blow those dreams out into the world with the hope that the universe will respond gently, lovingly, fairly.

Some see a weed, while others see a wish. 

Before my grandfather’s Parkinson’s destroyed his mind while eventually taking his life, we would talk about my life and of the things going on in my world. He would let me ramble on and on about the things that were bothering me, never once interjecting or interrupting. He would simply sit and listen and when I was done, all he would say to me was, “Well baby girl, you can either choose to be happy or to be mad. You can either keep your happiness and hope or let the world take it away from you. The amount of effort is the same either way.” 

Granted, some of our challenges are a little harder than others and not all problems are so easy to fix with sentimental quotes but really, isn’t half the battle to win in this life our mindset? I’ve yet to meet anyone who pulled through a life-changing or challenging situation with a “Fuck this shit” mindset. 

Hope is hard. To have hope means taking chances. It means walking out on a limb or simply having the courage to take the long hard walk at all. Sometimes hope means putting all of your eggs in one basket while having faith that it’s the right choice and that if not, the right things will happen. Hope is hard-fought and hard-won. It means digging in and hanging on by your fingernails, even if by only a very thin thread. It means having the courage to believe in our choices and intentions even when the lying voices tell us that we have nothing to be hopeful for or happy about. It means giving a big fat middle finger to a world that constantly tries to take our happiness and hope at every turn because without it, what’s the point? 

Keeping our happiness and hope during difficult times isn’t a guarantee that life will be perfect or that we will get everything we want simply by asking or hoping for more – maybe we will and maybe we won’t but that really isn’t the point. Keeping our happiness and hope means keeping the power in our own hands to decide our destiny. 

Happiness and hope is a choice, a conscience daily choice that doesn’t mean perfection. It’s a choice we make that turns our wants, wishes and dreams into reality.

Where do you find your hope? How do you hold onto your happiness when life gets rough?