It seems like most people in our society today are obsessed with
what they are owed, what they aren’t getting and what they are entitled to. I
hear and come into contact with so many adults who at times, sound like little
children which begs the question…
What message are we
sending to our children with this attitude of entitlement? Are we teaching them
how to have an attitude of gratitude and to work hard or are we equipping them
to be lazy and make excuses for why things do and don’t happen for them.
I can’t count the number of times that I’m in a store and hear a
child complaining to their parents, “But I want that toy!” or “It’s not fair!
Susie has this same toy, why can’t I?” or “I’ve been good! Why can’t I have it?”
And while kids will be kids {we’ve all had to deal with a major meltdown a time
or two} the messages we send to our kids in these moments is vital. It’s the
difference of our children understanding that not everything in life is fair
and that sometimes, the answer is simply “No.”
And guess what. There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling
your child “No” from time to time. You don’t have to feel
bad for being the parent who says “No.” I’ve often wondered from time to time
how some adults could have turned out differently if their parents had told them “No” a few
times along the way. It seems to me that this simple word “No” has a great way
of teaching our children that they are not owed or entitled to anything and
everything.
While we as parents do owe our children some things; love,
support, a comfortable home, food, a healthy and nurturing lifestyle and more,
there are some things we simply don’t owe our children as parents or for them
to be entitled.
An explanation. This simple
basic principle was a hard one for me to understand growing up because I always
had such an inquisitive and rebellious mind. Now that I have a child of my own,
I get it and I don’t feel the need to explain every decision and choice I make
for my daughter to her. Sometimes as
parents, it comes down to “Because I said that’s the way it’s going to be” and
that’s it.
Rewards for good
behavior and following directions. Are there times when our daughter gets a materialistic reward
for doing something right? Absolutely, but it’s not the norm. I also make it a
point to tell her, “That’s great you have your listening ears on and you’re following
directions. That’s what you’re supposed to do. Keep it up!” It’s a verbal,
positive reinforcement. My take is that life is not a hand out and that you don’t
always get recognized or rewarded simply for doing what it right. You should be
doing those things anyway without an expectation to be compensated.
Curbside service. This one grates
on my nerves. You have a child who wants something and they want it now.
So many times I see parents giving into this demanding and harsh behavior and
it kills me. Since when do the kids get to make all the rules and set the level
of “service” they are to receive? There are many lessons to be had in teaching
patience. Many times in life, we don’t get instant gratification. Most times,
we have to wait patiently for the right things to come along at the right time.
I cringe to think how many children are being taught that it’s okay to have
such a demanding demeanor simply because their parents catered to every single
whim. Sorry, Maddy. It’s not happening in our home.
That they should
win every single game they play. It’s perfectly acceptable for our children to lose. As much as
we want to see them be the best at everything, the reality is that this is just
not possible so why should we set our kids up for unattainable goals? I think
this does so much more of a disservice than a service in molding the types of
adults they will grow up to be. Every child should learn the valuable lesson of
losing because it teaches them how to do it graciously and how to cope with
rejection. If they learn these lessons early on, they can easily adjust to the
curve balls life will throw at them.
In a perfect world, our children would all be perfect and would
never have to know of the hard lessons of life. Unfortunately, this isn’t the
world we live in. I feel it’s our job as parent’s to equip them the best we can
for the challenges and life situations that lay ahead, and while rewards and
compensation have their place, I think it’s far more important to teach our
children the difference between the things in life they have to work for vs.
the things in life that are freely given.
What do you think? What are your thoughts on entitlement for children?
