It's Really Very Simple...Don't Be an Asshole.

 

On Saturday during Maddy's nap time, I decided to visit a thrift shop down the road from us that I've been itching to check out for a while. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I have a love of antique stores, thrift shops and Goodwill stores. It takes some time, but you can often find great things in these stores and I'm always one to look for a bargain. 

I did my usual browsing and enjoyed the quiet time I had to myself for a while. It's not often that I'm able to go anywhere without a vivacious and busy child strapped to my side so I relished my solitude for this brief time. Two hours later, I found a few good items to buy and made my way to the checkout counter. What I found there however, was not expected.

Standing in line in front of me was a young pregnant woman who appeared to be in her last months of pregnancy. With her were her two other children - a toddler and another child around four to five years old. With one glance, it was easy to see that this poor mother was overwhelmed, exhausted and stressed. To make matters worse, the two children with her were breaking down; crying fits, tantrums - the works. 

The store was very busy and packed with shoppers and as I looked around at the people in line in front and in back of me, I heard the judgmental, grumpy, critical references from other shoppers regarding her children's crying and behavior yet, no one would step up and offer any assistance, even the other mothers there with their own children (you know, the same ones who've probably had this very same problem themselves and know how it feels?!) It was at that point that I realized that even if I stood there silent not saying a word, not being critical, that I was still allowing the bad to happen to this woman if I didn't stand up and do something to help. So I did. I stepped forward and asked if there was something I could do to help. It was a simple gesture but immediately, I could see the panic, the worry and the stress drain from her face as she released a sigh of relief and her composure eased a bit. I took the kids and kept them occupied for the time that it took for their mom to pay for their clothing and leave.

I don't tell you this story to boast or to earn brownie points in the eyes of anyone. I tell you this story because it is extremely bothersome to me as to why this problem - this lack of courtesy, respect and downright civility and concern for others in our society, even has to be an issue to begin with. Have we become so shallow, so self-centered and so jaded as humans that we can no longer put aside our own feelings to help those in need?  Simply by looking at this woman it was easy to see that she was in distress and needed a helping hand yet, there were none to be found. What would it have cost anyone to take a few minutes out of their day to help this woman occupy and entertain her children while she tried to check out? Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Yet - it was easier for most people to stand around, do nothing and be critical all at the same time. 

As I walked out of the store, this young woman was waiting for me. She wanted to thank me for taking the time to help her with her children. More so, she wanted me to know how much my act of kindness really meant to her. You see, this woman's husband had lost his job a while back which in turn, led them down the stairway of debt, bankruptcy and loss. Not too long after they were forced to move out of their home because of a foreclosure, her husband decided he couldn't deal with the stress, the disappointment and the embarrassment of life and what had happened to his family so he decided to commit suicide. She was left to be alone - 8 months pregnant with two children - scrapping to make ends meet to provide for her family all while trying to keep it together for her kids. 

Friends, we never really know the struggles of others. Everyone is fighting a battle of some sort. Why do we find it so incredibly easy, to off the cuff, be assholes to others... and usually, for no good reason? Yes - it is a strong word to use but it's the majority of the mentality that is allowed to exist and permeate in our society today. We don't get our way? Act like an asshole. Experience disappointments, letdowns and trials? Act like an asshole. Encounter a single mother with two crying kids and it's annoying to you? Yep, you guessed it - act like an asshole. Most of us are so wrapped up in our own little worlds that we fail to see that we're not the only ones living in it.  

Where is your heart? Better yet - where is your brain? It's the very basic principle of extending a helping hand to those in need that we try so very hard to instill in our children yet we lack the actual work and showing by example of what the words "Be nice to others" really means. Children, while they hear our words, actually learn by our actions. 

What are yours saying? I encourage each of us to try a little harder to be a little better. Most people on a day to day basis are simply trying to live their lives the best they can - in their homes, in their jobs and with their children. Calm the hell down and cut people a break. Isn't life hard enough on each of us without all the extra added hostility and hatefulness? Wouldn't you want the same courtesy and kindness extended to you if you needed it? 

In the end, you can be one of two things: you can be kind or you can be an asshole. It's a conscience choice that you make...the amount of effort that goes into being one or the other is the same.

{This post originally appeared on the blog in November of 2013 but seriously bears repeating...a lot.}