Letters to Madeline: These Are The Things I Wish For You

My Dearest Madeline,

I could start by telling you how proud I am of the little girl you’re becoming or how every day, I marvel in all the amazing ways you’re growing up and becoming your own person: headstrong, confident, independent and brilliantly funny. The changes I see in you, some big and some small, are coming fast and fleeting right before my eyes. One minute, I remember you as the small and dependent baby you literally were just a few years ago and the next minute, you’re pulling me back into reality with the eight words that have become your life’s mode of operation lately: “Mommy! I can do it all by myself!!!”

I could go on by telling you how the lessons your grandma and poppy and your great-grandmother and great-grandfather taught me shaped my views on life – the kind that mold and create you and have a way of changing your life forever. Each one of them had their own hopes and wishes of what my life would be and become. All of them also said a lot but if they hadn’t said anything at all, that would have been okay too. Each of them have lived their lives by example with their actions showing far more than any words could ever describe, and even though there have been times when we haven’t agreed or even been upset with each other, there has never been a time that I didn’t feel loved, supported or feared that I would ever lose their love. I knew with all of my being that whatever missteps I took in this life, each of them would stand beside me to love and support me along the way. I knew this, and you should too.

Maddy, it’s a crazy mixed bag of emotions when you become a parent and none of it you will ever understand as my child until you have a child of your own. That’s cliché as hell to throw on you but it’s honestly the truth. I could go on and on about lessons, life and how I hope it will affect you all but really, there would never be an end to this letter. Instead, allow me to share a few of my hopes and wishes for you, my dear.

Sunday Reset: 7 Ways to Organize Your Life on Sunday to Make Your Week Easier

Before I had Madeline, I had a Sunday ritual of resetting my life to prepare myself for the upcoming week - groceries, food planning, cleaning, and life maintenance. I am a person who craves order (as much as one can get with a four year old) and operate much more effectively and efficiently when I have a plan of action and am prepared for life to the best of my ability.

Wellllll...

One child and four moves later, that ritual got shot to hell. If you have children then you know how having kids changes life so I'm not going to waste time explaining how my Sunday ritual of resetting my life got put on the back burner. What I will take time to say is that since that happened, I've been able to tell a HUGE difference in the way my life operates without it and it's no bueno.  Lately, my soul has been craving order and organization so I decided to bring back the Sunday ritual of resetting my life to prepare for a smooth week ahead. I'm hoping this little change brings more balance and frees up more time in other areas for my life. 

If You're a Parent, You're Matt and Melissa Graves

The evening of February 1^st 2014 started like any other regular night. We came home, had dinner, played for a while and then decided to snuggle up on our bed in the master bedroom and watch a movie. Maddy was around two and a half years old and like most toddlers that age, very active. While she would sit for extended amounts of time to watch a movie, she also had the tendency to want to get up to move around. What toddler wouldn’t? I’ve yet to meet a two and a half year old who can sit still for an hour and a half long movie. If you have, contact Guinness Book of World Records.

As we were watching the movie, Maddy began to get restless. At first she started to roll around. Then rolling around turned into a little light playing around then before I knew it, she started jumping and just like that, she fell off the bed. Our bed is a four-poster queen size bed that sits high off the ground. When I say my daughter fell off the bed, she literally took a dive and when she did, she landed on her wrist which broke. I was hysterical with fear coupled with an immense amount of heartbreak. How could this have happened and so quickly? I was right there. I was watching her. I had my full attention on my child yet, she still got injured.

I am Matt and Melissa Graves.

Four Ways to Teach Our Kids How to do Good In a World Full of Hate

If there's one thing I've learned over the last four years of being a parent, it's that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. I’m just being honest. I read all the books, took all the classes, listened to all the unwanted advice, and watched all the parenting videos but let's be real - there is nothing that can prepare you for having your first child. It's a crazy roller coaster ride of emotions. Between the lack of sleep, adjusting to a new life and new normal, and learning about your child, it's easy to get caught up in the day to day hum-drum of life and forget our focus as parents. While I admit that I’m still learning every day how to do this parenting gig right, there was one concept that I was certain of from the day that Maddy was born that I wanted her to understand: How to not only be good but to do good in this world. 

I believe this characteristic of fostering good works starts early in childhood development and is either fostered to its full potential or thrown to the wayside as our children grow up to be adults. I would say that from her sixth month on, Michael and I made it a point to begin instilling the ‘Not only be good but do good’ mentality into Maddy’s everyday life. It’s not a method that comes easily because it requires constant attention to our own actions, but it’s something that we work towards on a daily basis in getting her to understand good works and how our actions, words and deeds affect others.

A Letter to the First Man I Ever Loved

Dear Dad,

Sunday is Father’s Day. It’s your day and I’m so happy to have the opportunity to celebrate you. Out of everyone in my life that has given me help, you are the one who always receives the least amount of praise, recognition and credit for the things you do, but to your own admission, you like it this way. You’ve never been one to want or need the spotlight instead, you’ve always shown your unwavering support from the sidelines. Unfortunately for you, you’re front and center today. It’s time that I use my love of writing to pull you directly into the spotlight so that everyone knows how much you mean to me.

Five Tips for Raising a Strong-Willed Child

I'm totally willing to admit that I'm smitten by my daughter's gumption, independence, care free spirit and determination. I've witnessed her solve problems all on her own. I've shared the thrill of her figuring out how to put on her sandals while being able to successfully secure the strap all on her own. I've seen the love and care she gives to all of her friends at school. I've observed how confidently she expresses herself to her teachers, family, friends and us. I know all of these wonderful traits will take my little girl far in life and I feel so honored to be able to tag along for the ride. 

Having said all of this, don't let that cute little face fool you. I will be the first to admit that my little girl is a strong-willed child. From early on in her development, we noticed that she would have temper tantrums over the simplest of things if she wasn't able to do them just so or to her liking. Over the years, bedtime has been a challenge and so has dinner time with getting her to eat certain things or getting her to eat anything at all. Sometimes, even a very simple trip to the grocery store can turn into a battle of wills where picking out snacks or food for lunches is concerned. 

Regardless, it's very important to myself and Michael that Maddy understands that there are certain rules she has to follow and that she maintain a certain level of self-control in our home and when we're out in public. I've learned that with Maddy, as with most strong-willed kids, flare-ups typically happen when she feels powerless or without control which is something very important to a preschooler as it's something they crave early on as a form of independence. 

So the question then becomes how can you help your child feel like they are in control and have a voice even though you as the parent are really the one in control of your child and the rules? Here are some tips I’ve learned from parenting my own strong-willed child. 

A Child's 10 Commandments For Parents

Every day as parents, we’re dishing out a list of rules and commandments to our kids; do this, don’t do that. Use your manners. Clean up behind you. Don’t put your fingers there. Play nicely with one another. Make sure to share your toys. Don’t ride the dog like a pony.

Often times I’ve wondered what our little kids are thinking in return but don’t have the ability to verbalize. If we have our daily list of commandments, thoughts and rules, surely they have theirs. If I were to place myself in the shoes of a child, here are the 10 commandments I think they would want us to know about childhood:

For the Mother Struggling to Find Happiness & Hope

Most mothers and families are in a constant season of change, and while change can be a very intimidating and daunting thing, I tend to think it can also be therapeutic and refreshing for the soul. 

It’s really all about your perspective. 

For most of us, it’s easy to be happy and find joy in life when things are going our way. When life is clicking along like clockwork and all the puzzle pieces are snug, secure and in the right place, we are grateful and content. Our happiness and outlook on life comes easy and for the most part, we are filled with hope and excitement for the future. 

But what about when life isn’t so great and the challenges and mountains seem impossible to overcome? What about those times in life where our happiness, security and hope are challenged? What is our mindset then? 

Unexpected life decisions, changes and alterations to our daily happiness and routine have a way of testing our will and spirit, sometimes to the breaking point. When you feel as if your security and contentment are compromised, it’s easy to become discouraged and even harder to find the positivity and hope that things will eventually be better. 

I know this because I’ve certainly lived through these seasons as a mother. Through the years, our family has had to make some important decisions about our future and every day, my will, happiness and hope is put to the test. Honestly, most days I feel like throwing my hands in the air and giving up. Saying “I quit!” and hiding in the closet with a huge plate of tacos seems like a better option than being an adult all the time. Becoming closed off and negative about my life and circumstances outside of my control seems easier to accomplish than exercising faith and hope. 

It’s during these hard times that it’s more important than ever to hold tight to our happiness in hope.

I don’t know what you’re facing in your life today. As you get up to start your day, I have no clue of the feelings that are washing over you like waves. I’m unaware of your challenges, your joys, your heartaches and your needs, but I have one simple question for you:

What do you see when you look at the dandelions above?

For some people, they see despair and the ugliness of life literally growing all around them and no matter how much they try to pluck the ugly from their lives, it keeps coming back time and time again.

For some people, they see hope, a wish. For some people, they see a moment to close their eyes and imagine all of the wonderful and amazing possibilities of life and then blow those dreams out into the world with the hope that the universe will respond gently, lovingly, fairly.

Some see a weed, while others see a wish. 

Before my grandfather’s Parkinson’s destroyed his mind while eventually taking his life, we would talk about my life and of the things going on in my world. He would let me ramble on and on about the things that were bothering me, never once interjecting or interrupting. He would simply sit and listen and when I was done, all he would say to me was, “Well baby girl, you can either choose to be happy or to be mad. You can either keep your happiness and hope or let the world take it away from you. The amount of effort is the same either way.” 

Granted, some of our challenges are a little harder than others and not all problems are so easy to fix with sentimental quotes but really, isn’t half the battle to win in this life our mindset? I’ve yet to meet anyone who pulled through a life-changing or challenging situation with a “Fuck this shit” mindset. 

Hope is hard. To have hope means taking chances. It means walking out on a limb or simply having the courage to take the long hard walk at all. Sometimes hope means putting all of your eggs in one basket while having faith that it’s the right choice and that if not, the right things will happen. Hope is hard-fought and hard-won. It means digging in and hanging on by your fingernails, even if by only a very thin thread. It means having the courage to believe in our choices and intentions even when the lying voices tell us that we have nothing to be hopeful for or happy about. It means giving a big fat middle finger to a world that constantly tries to take our happiness and hope at every turn because without it, what’s the point? 

Keeping our happiness and hope during difficult times isn’t a guarantee that life will be perfect or that we will get everything we want simply by asking or hoping for more – maybe we will and maybe we won’t but that really isn’t the point. Keeping our happiness and hope means keeping the power in our own hands to decide our destiny. 

Happiness and hope is a choice, a conscience daily choice that doesn’t mean perfection. It’s a choice we make that turns our wants, wishes and dreams into reality.

Where do you find your hope? How do you hold onto your happiness when life gets rough? 

40 Things I've Learned in 40 Years

Well, on Saturday I turn 40. I’m not quite sure how this happened. I certainly don’t feel 40. What is 40 supposed to feel like, anyway? If it’s still laughing at farts, using light sabers to play Star Wars in the toy isle at Target and enjoying episodes of Peppa Pig, then yeah – I’m 40. Otherwise, I’m not interested.