Today, a co-worker of mine
is celebrating his 26th birthday.
Oh 26, I remember you; the
single, child-free life, being able to party all night AND go to work the next
day with no problems, minimal bills and responsibility, being able to eat what
I wanted without the weight gain, and fewer dark circles and bags under my eyes.
When I was 26 and thought
of my life moving forward, I swore up and down that I would be the coolest “old”
person around. Scratch that – I would be the coolest older mom around. I vowed
to always do my hair and makeup to the nines each day, party like a rock star
and never, and I mean never, wear any type of pants with an elastic waistband
or one’s made out of stretchy material.
Today at 40, it’s safe to
say that I’ve managed to not keep a single one of those promises and honestly,
I’ve probably acted far older at times. Even though I promised myself and swore
I would never age, I find myself disliking certain things that I enjoyed even
five to ten years ago.
Loud Music. Back in the day, the only way I would listen to my
music is if it was turned up and LOUD. So much so, that my parents would yell
at me for making the floor underneath them shake. Fast-forward to 40 and I’m
totally that old hag screaming, “Turn that music down!” to the kids in the
neighborhood and to my own daughter.
Partying All Night
Long. I went to college. Been
there, done that, and got the t-shirt. Nowadays? No. I enjoy an occasional
night out or a break from the ordinary but honestly, I would much rather be
curled up in my pj’s watching re-runs of Friends or House Hunters. I have zero
desire to be jammed into a bar like a sardine with 50 bazillion drunks while
having to sell my plasma to afford drinks. The old Courtney would be
flabbergasted. You know the only thing Courtney wants to do all night long now?
SLEEP. That’s it.
Clothes Shopping. When I was younger, there was nothing I loved to do
more than spending a Saturday at the mall. I would spend hours there, perusing
every store and trying on a million and one different outfits. Old Courtney,
however, would rather scoop her eyes out with a spoon than to go clothes
shopping. When I think of all the money I blew on clothes back in the day, it
literally makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little. I don’t care what you
say, 24-year-old Courtney – you didn’t need that beret and those hammer pants.
Sleeping on the
Floor or on Someone’s Sofa. When
you’re in your teens, twenties and maybe even into your thirties, crashing on
someone’s sofa is no big deal. You need somewhere to pass out and it’s just as
good a place as any, no big deal. You get a great night’s sleep and wake up
feeling as fresh as the morning dew. Old Courtney refuses to do this. Old
Courtney has a home she pays far too much for in rent every month that has a
bed with an amazing Tempurpedic mattress calling her name. I’m a grown ass
woman.
Poor Fitting Bras.
When I was younger, I was never
very fussy about my bras and whether or not they fit properly. If Vicky Secrets
was having a sale, I was there. The only problem? Back in the day, it was very
hard to find a good fitting bra at VS. I’m a 40DDD (no, that’s not a typo)
and at the time, I think the highest bra size available was around a 36 D, if
that. I didn’t care. I was going to stuff my girls in those little cups come
hell or high water because damnit – it’s Victoria’s Secrets and it’s on sale.
Nowadays, I’m happy to spend half the money for my uber old lady bras at JC
Penny’s and Belk’s that fit perfectly.
Girl Scout
Cookies. Now, before you grab your
pitchforks and ask what the hell is wrong with me, let me explain… Back in the
day, I used to work for the Girl Scouts. One of the benefits of working for the
organization is that there are always tons of boxes of cookies sitting around
the office. You pretty much have free reign to gorge yourself silly, which I
did. If I never had another Thin Mint or Samoa cookie in my life, I’d be
perfectly fine.
How about you? What are
some things you’ve grown to dislike as you’ve gotten older?
