It's Okay to Celebrate Christmas NOW!

I’ve noticed an interesting trend happening lately in the social media world that I’ve come to dub as holiday shaming. 

Over the past couple of weeks since Halloween, I’ve witnessed a large number of people going insane – I mean, losing their shit insane – over the mere presence and mention of anything to do with Christmas or “holiday” related items, whether it be the sighting of a hanging wreath, to radio stations playing Christmas music, to stores decorating for the holidays, but especially, friends posting their own holiday and Christmas decorations on Facebook and Instagram. And those poor folks? Those poor guys are taking a beating. 

Lately, I’ve read comments on pictures that have been posted by those who’ve decided to start celebrating Christmas and the holiday season to include:

“Are you serious?! Christmas decorations already? Um, hello crazy! We’re not there yet!”

“Maybe you’re too dumb to read a calendar but it’s just November.”

“So disrespectful and rude!” (Made in reference to a picture of a wreath hanging on a friend’s front door)

Aside from my sheer disbelief that anyone could be so riled up over something so silly, what baffles and upsets me even more are the responses from those being trolled. These people are taking down their decorations, turning off their holiday music and deleting their festive photos. What’s worse, they are apologizing – yes apologizing – for simply exercising their right to celebrate what they believe and the ones who stand their ground and post pictures anyway feel the need to preface their photos or shares with comments like, “I know, I know Christmas is still a month away” or “Don’t judge” or worse, “Okay you guys, don’t get mad at me but I was so proud of myself for making our wreath that I wanted to share this picture!”

Why are we doing this to each other?

I get it. Christmas can be materialistic. The meaning gets lost in the commercialism of it all. Let’s get through Thanksgiving first.

I hear you.

I truly do.

However…

How is someone else’s joy in celebrating the holiday season (And it is a season. That’s important to note. November through December is the holiday SEASON) impeding on your life? How is someone’s choice to hang a decoration here and there affecting what you believe and how you carry on your day to day life? So your neighbor sets up and decorates their Christmas tree. 

So what? Whatever happened to the simple concept of live and let live?

Here’s a little confession for you guys: When we set up our Christmas tree last year, I kept that baby sparked up until the end of June. Why? Because it made me happy, it made my daughter happy and it brought joy to our home, plain and simple, and I make ZERO apologies for it because here’s the thing…

I never wanted that good feeling to end. Yes, in the times we live in, the holidays can be stressful and consuming but I’ve often found far more joy in the holiday season than bad. It’s the one time of year where you can actually see the good in humanity come out. People extend beyond themselves to reach out to others and often times, you will witness many a “Christmas miracle” happen. I love the joy and wonderment in our children’s eyes as they marvel at all the season has to offer but most importantly, the season centers me and makes me feel whole as a human again. It does, it really does. I’m reminded of how eternally blessed I am and how I have the opportunity to bless others’ lives as well. It is truly a miraculous time of year. 

And honestly, with everything going on in our world today, couldn’t we all use a little more joy and peace on earth? I think so.

Do you want to know what I think? I think we are a country full of people just looking for any reason at all to be offended. I think there are people everywhere who crave an opportunity to complain. I also think we are bogged down and overrun with bullies.

That’s right – bullies. Holiday shaming bullies.

I take nothing away from those who feel the celebration of Christmas shouldn’t begin until December, I really don’t. You're entitled to believe and practice what you want. What I do have a problem with are the actions these same people take in making others – who have the right to celebrate when and how they choose – feel bad about themselves and their choices and quite honestly, if you’re one of the Judgy McJudgersons reading this who think it’s fun to holiday shame, you should probably know that your actions of anger, judgment and belittlement towards another say far more about you and your character than the people who choose to celebrate. 

#justsayin

To those of you who are currently celebrating the holiday season I say: Wave your Christmas flag high and proud. Slap up those wreaths and blast that Christmas music. Bake till your little heart’s content and whip out those holiday crafts with the kiddos because really, what you’re doing shouldn’t matter to anyone else but you, and your actions are hurting no one. 

More importantly in your joy of celebrating the holiday season, don’t forget to…

Share the true meaning of the season with those you love and those who might be a little harder to love. Donate to the less fortunate and give to those in need. Volunteer your time and resources to an organization in your community. Feed a hungry family. Provide toys and clothing for Christmas morning for children who are less fortunate. Visit the elderly and the sick. 

Revel and immerse yourselves into the true meaning of the season because trust me, our country can use all the love you have to give. To quote the Vince Guaraldi Trio:

“Oh that we could always see such spirit through the year…”

4 Disappointments I'm Thankful For

With Thanksgiving coming up, we’re always encouraged to take stock of all the things we’re thankful for and the positive blessings we have in our lives like family, financial stability, children and jobs.

But what about showing gratitude and thankfulness for the things in our lives that may be challenges, disappointments and let downs? How do we handle those?

Throughout my life, I’ve often found that some of my biggest blessings have come about because of mistakes, disappointments or life just sucking in general. It’s true. If you stop and really give some thought to a few of your biggest flounders and let downs, you can probably find the silver lining and blessing in each of them. 

Allow me to start. 

My Divorce. 

No one ever goes into their marriage with the expectation that it will end but in 2009, mine did and looking back, it was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. Once I was able to leave the dead weight behind, my life blossomed and more so, my dreams, hopes and goals began to take shape. If I hadn’t left my ex-husband, I would have never met Michael, had our beautiful daughter, have my writing take off, and be as successful as I am today. I was so mired down in the crap that was my marriage that a large part of my soul, and everything along with it, died. To break free from it was like a rebirth.

Lost Friendships. 

Friendships in a very small way are like marriages – it takes a lot of time and effort to make them work. Unfortunately, not all friends feel the same way and in fact, some friendships become toxic. Whether it’s because you no longer see eye to eye on a specific issue, have grown apart, have a falling out or simply just wander away from one another, friendships that end can be hard on us. 

Or are they?

When I think back to what I thought were my best friendships, and if I’m being honest, I often remember more of the issues and not enough of the good things. I also remember how it felt to have the weight of such a bad friendship lifted from my shoulders and am thankful because if I hadn’t lost those friends who weren’t truly good for me, I may have missed out on the friends that have come into my life since that have been true and lasting friendships. 

Lost Job Opportunities. 

We’ve all been there at one point or time in our career: you interview for the “perfect job.” Everything seems to be going great in the interviewing process and then BAM. You don’t get the job. 

I’ve had this happen to me a couple of times.

When disappointments like this happen, it’s easy to fall into the “Woe is me” trap and carry feelings of defeat, frustration and anger. I’ve done this myself but honestly, those missed job opportunities have all been blessings in disguise. After losing one particular job offer, I found out a few months later that the company I interviewed with was going through horrible financial distress and was laying-off over half of their workforce – the job I interviewed for included. By the time I found out this information, I was already happily employed elsewhere but I still shudder to think what would have happened if I had gotten that job. Thank goodness for unanswered prayers! 

Fights with my Spouse.

You’re probably scratching your forehead on this one, right? I mean, who really feels blessed after fighting with their spouse?

Hear me out.

I don’t know about you and your spouse/partner/significant other, but when Michael and I argue, it’s usually because of some misunderstanding or point of view the other person doesn’t understand. Once we’re able to get past our own emotions and actually put forth the effort of truly listening to each other, we learn far more about one another and what each of us needs in order to thrive in our relationship. I’m thankful for those weak moments that make us stronger and a more united couple. The making up from fighting isn’t a bad thing either. 

What are some unanswered prayers or disappointments you have to be thankful for? 

If You're a Parent Asking, "What Do I Tell My Child About The Election?" These Answers Are a Good Place to Start

This election has been one unlike any other. Most election years, you can count on your sphere being filled with the back and forth rhetoric and the jabs and low blows from both the opponents and the public, but this year? This year was different.

There’s simply no possible way to sugarcoat it. This election was a brutal affront to women, Muslims, Jews, people of color, and basically anyone who values tolerance, kindness and inclusion. As a nation, we opened our arms and accepted a man who ran on a platform of bigotry and divisiveness, a man who made fun of the disabled and slurred and demeaned war heroes. A man who openly and proudly admits to treating women like dogs and as a result, now has the allegations of sexual assault and a recording to prove it.

Indeed, this election has been difficult for everyone, especially parents or as a person responsible for raising a child. As a parent, a grandparent, a teacher, or a caregiver, we spend the majority of our parenting time teaching our kids about the importance of inclusion, kindness, acceptance and compassion each and every day. Regardless of who you support, how do we explain to our children the success of a man who has made their career about, and found success in, being a bully while literally bashing every single person who doesn’t look or think like him? How do you explain to your child that instead of right and justice winning out, bigotry wins? Hate wins. Bullies win. Sexism wins.

What do we tell them?

We tell them that hate and bigotry is not a democratic value and is never tolerated.

We tell them that while we accept the results of the election, we do not agree, and that we will continue to stand on the side of equality and inclusiveness.

We tell them that we stand by our Jewish, Muslim, Latino, Native American, Black, Same Sex and Immigrant family and friends. That our gay, lesbian and trans students are assets to this country, their schools and their communities.

We tell them that everyone is entitled to love who they wish and marry who they want. We tell them that healthcare is a basic human right, and not a luxury. We tell them that every woman has the right to protect and make decisions for her own body and that it’s no other person’s right to do so.

We tell them to always speak up for what is right. We tell them that silence is dangerous. We teach them how to speak up when something is wrong so they are empowered.

We teach them how to love one another, how to respect each other, and how to peacefully solve conflicts. We teach them how to live in a world filled with diverse individuals and that it’s those same diversities that make us unique and great. We teach them how to live in a world with such diverse and conflicting ideologies and that just because someone is different, doesn’t make them bad or one to be feared.

We teach them about our democratic process and how they can be involved to help bring about change. We teach this at a young age and continually develop their awareness to politics, social issues and justice. We educate them to be informed citizens of the world we live in.

We teach them the importance of thought-provoking and intelligent discussion, not for the sake of winning or being right but for understanding and to be understood by our peers.

We tell them that it’s okay to be sad and disappointed. We also tell them that it’s those same emotions we use to channel into turning bad things into good.

We tell them that one of the benchmarks of our democracy is the transition of power every four years so that nothing is ever permanent.

In this election, Trump appealed to our worst impulses, thoughts and fears… and he won. It is now time for the rest of us to roll up our sleeves and begin to do the hard work of proving that his platform is not all that America is. We are called on now at this time to rise above and face down bigotry and hate in a rational and civil way.

Now is not the time to lick wounds, complain or point blame. Now is the time to act. Now is the time to shine light into this dark world. Now is the time to continue exposing the abuses of power and privilege. Yesterday is gone. Yesterday is in the books. What’s done is done. We do not have the luxury to wallow in our disappointment and allow it to consume us. Now is the time to act in a positive and productive way.

And how do we do this?

Above all, we tell them that in our homes, love, compassion, and acceptance are still our core values. On this, we do not waver or make excuses. This does not change.

It all begins in our homes.

When Did Making Our Kids Cry on Purpose Become Entertainment?

I knew they were coming. They do every year at Halloween and every year, I’m forced to bite my tongue and try my best to scroll through and ignore the endless amounts of videos that parents, entertainment sites and news sites post of parents picking on children by pretending to eat all their Halloween candy while leaving said children in a puddle of tears and hysterics and every year, I shake my head and wonder…

When did we decide that it’s okay to intentionally make children cry and play with their emotions and then package it all up as permissible because it’s “entertainment?” Tell me again what's so funny about intentionally hurting a child's feelings to the point of hysterics??

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while now, you know that I am by no means a stick in the mud nor do I make it a point to keep a broom handle wedged up my rear end. As tempting as that sounds, it’s just not my bag of chips. For the most part, I tackle life and parenting with a lot of sarcasm and laughs while always trying to find the humor in any situation because let’s be honest – if you can’t laugh at yourself and take things with a grain of salt in parenting, you’re fucked.

But picking on defenseless kids? I can’t understand why grown adults who should know better, think this is great comedic fodder. 

Let’s look at it from this perspective: You bring your Thanksgiving leftovers to work. You stick your lunch bag in the fridge as you blow a kiss to your mother’s homemade oyster stuffing, promising to see it again soon. All morning, you think about your grandmother’s homemade green bean casserole and how good it’s all going to taste in a few short hours when you’re able to stop and eat lunch. It’s the perfect treat you’ve been waiting for all morning. 

Lunch time arrives and you’re starving. You go to the fridge for your food but, SURPRISE! It’s gone. All of it. You search frantically for your lunch bag but can’t find it anywhere. Your initial gut feeling is panic which turns to anger which then quickly turns to sadness and desperation, all within a matter of minutes. What will you eat for lunch now? 

But wait! It’s just a joke! Your coworker thought it would be a hysterical idea to take something of yours and make you believe that it was gone. Something of value to you. Something, that to you, was important. Not only did he pull off such a “hysterical joke,” he made sure to video your response and blast it all over social media for the world to see, laugh at, poke fun of, belittle and mock.

Not funny, right? Anyone who’s ever had their lunch stolen, eaten or taken at work knows how this is so not funny. It’s also less amusing when it turns out to be a joke. Now, imagine how your child feels about their supposedly gone or eaten candy. 

It’s easy to say, “It’s just candy! Get over it!” but that’s really not the point. We’re talking about children, young children. To them, their Halloween candy is a big deal. In the mind of a child, they worked hard for their candy and in some instances, were probably threatened to not have the chance to go trick or treating for their Halloween candy if they didn’t follow X, Y or Z rule and behave. In the mind of a child, that bag of Halloween candy is a source of pride; something they hold value in. It’s just as important to them as a new outfit, car or anything else of value would mean to an adult. What I wouldn’t give to see the look on some parents’ faces if their child were to tell them (jokingly, unbeknownst to them) that they ruined their new outfit or did something to their brand new iPhone. I feel pretty confident in thinking that most adults would flip out, too. As adults, we have a hard time dealing with our emotions being played with so carelessly, so why would we expect our kids to be any different? 

It’s a crazy concept, I know. Respecting others; even if it means they are half our size. Here’s a news flash: Kids! They’re actually people! 

I’m also the kind of person who wouldn’t hide a coworker’s lunch and tell them I ate it, allowing them to get angry and worked up for a few minutes to the point that they wanted to hit me and then tell them it was, “just humor.” No one likes that, especially children who lack the mental development to deal with their emotions properly. 

It’s science. We expect our children to behave like adults, even though they lack the ability and apparently, their role models have no idea what being an adult means either, and at the same time, we treat them as second class citizens and act like we’re superior in some way because we’ve been sitting around on the planet for more years than they have. 

“Oh, Courtney, get over yourself. It’s just for fun. Make sure you pick up a bag of humor from your local grocer’s freezer section on the way home from work today.”

Oh! Is that all it is? Well that makes sense. I had a hard time finding what I needed because I didn’t recognize the label, “How to Be a Complete Bitch in a Bag.” Wow. It’s really working! I suddenly think making children cry is hilarious! Maybe I’ll throw some handicapped women out of their wheelchairs, kick an entire litter of puppies and then for more shits and giggles, I’ll stop by an adoption agency on the way home to pretend like I’m interested in adopting some children but SIKE. I’m not. Man, its fun to be one of the cool, funny kids. What fun things do we have planned next? Stealing all the Jell-O from the senior citizens at the local retirement home and telling them they already ate it? Wooooo! What great fun! 

I admit, maybe I’m becoming a softie in my old age. More so, I’m sure having a child of my own turned me into a big ball of sap. I don’t know, but whatever it is, seeing a child cry, especially for no good reason just isn’t my jam at all. I mean, really. Who wants to hear a child cry period let alone giving them a reason to? 

No, that’s not my scene at all. And let’s just be honest – pranks as a whole usually suck. I can’t think of any prank that I’ve been privy to that really amused me. I’m usually left thinking, “That’s some really dumb shit.” But when it’s a prank concocted by a parent that a child trusts? No thanks. If that’s what it takes to be funny these days to get a laugh, then I guess I’ll just stay old and unfunny. 

Or here’s a thought to consider…

Find ways to be humorous that don’t include playing with a child’s emotions or picking on them. Find a way to be funny that isn’t degrading. Find a way to be funny that isn’t mean. I hear so many people say how mean kids are these days a rule of thumb and how kindness has all but gone to the wayside. Well, what do you expect when you are modeling mean behavior? 

I hope that as my five-year-old grows up, she understands what is truly funny and how to share her quick and brilliant wit with others in ways that aren’t hurtful. There are so many ways to make people laugh that don’t have to be manufactured by meanness. More so, I hope she knows what it means to be truly kind and thoughtful of another’s feelings because really, that’s what’s severely lacking in our world today – kindness and thoughtfulness to others.

I never want my child to think its okay to laugh at someone else’s distress, whether it’s real or made up. As her parent, it’s my job to make sure it doesn’t happen. We’re all responsible. I know we can do and be so much better than this. 

The world already has plenty of assholes. How about choosing kindness for a change?