Shit! I Sound Like My Mom. Words and Phrases I Swore I'd Never Say as a Parent

It had been an extremely long day. Actually, I hadn't showered all weekend, nor had I changed my clothes over two days and to top it off, I looked like something from Night of the Living Dead. Maddy was around 18 months and was...well...I don't even know what the word would be; wild, crazy, and unmanageable - take your pick. I was a single parent while Michael was away for about 9 days at residency and in the back of my mind, I was plotting his death for leaving me alone with our little tyrant. (Love you, babe!) 

I remember the moment clearly - I was trying to clean up Maddy's room for bed time and every time I would put a toy in its place, Chickie would promptly take it back out again. I asked her to stop several times and each moment was met with that coy look that clearly said, "Challenge accepted." This went on for a few minutes and I found myself at my boiling point. As Chickie reached for another toy, I firmly said "Nooooo" and then removed the truck from her hands. The waterworks and gnashing of teeth started immediately and before I could stop myself, I heard it...

I heard my mother. "Stop that crying or I'll give you something to cry about!"

It's sad but true.

As much as we all try to avoid it, in some way, shape, or form, we all become a sliver of our mothers at some point and time during parenthood. I think it commonly happens in what we say to our children. Not that we mean for it to happen but sometimes the days are long, our patience is short and before we know it - Oops! Out it slips. 

I've been known to throw down some gems in my short 3.5 years with Maddy. Allow me to share a few:

"Stop that crying or I'll give you something to cry about."

"Get your fingers out of your nose| butt | diaper."

"Do you want to go in time out?" (As if I'm going to get an affirmative to this)

"I will count to 3..."

"If I have to come over there and get you, you won't like it"

"Let's see who can be quiet the longest" (The quiet game)

And the coup de gras of all mom quotes...

"So help me if I have to pull this car over..."

Yep. I've been there and done that with all of these...many, many times over.

And you know what? I'm not the least bit ashamed of it. The way I see it, I feel as if by saying all of these "mom quotes", I've been officially indoctrinated into the mom club. I've always felt like I didn't feel like an "official" mom until certain things happened to me as a parent anyway...

Get pooped and peed on? Check.
Pull an all-nighter with a sick baby? Check.
Sleep in positions I never dreamed my body was capable of just to keep my baby asleep? 

Check and double check.

Thrown out some uber-cheesy, stereotypical mom quotes?

Check, double check, and triple check!!

Not that it's easier, but parenting a newborn is completely different than parenting a toddler or preschooler. Newborns don't know that they are capable of having options, opinions and doing things their way or on their own like toddlers discover as they get older. Newborns sit where ever you place them and stay there but more importantly - 

They don't talk nor do they talk back. 

They have nothing to say. They don't scream like banshees when they don't get their way and they don't act like dictators with their wants, wishes or needs. Taking a trip to Toddlerville every day is like suiting up for battle: gird your loins ladies and gents because someone is going to get it in the crotch. They are coming for you and they are fully loaded.

And it's these crazy, chaotic and delirious types of days where we find comfort in unconsciously using the words of our own mothers and you know what - IT'S OKAY. Embrace those quotes. Laugh at them. The way I see it, using them is a rite of passage for all parents and more so, is a rite of passage for every child to hear as they grow up.  Who doesn't have an absolutely hysterical story of their mom looking like a rabid dog while she's swatting flies in the back seat (Trying to get to your head) while driving and yelling loud enough for everyone to hear, "Don't make me pull this car over!!!" If you don't have a story like that, I kind of feel sad for you.

Good times. Good times.

To end, I also want to share another mom quote that we heard a lot growing up in my parent's home - more so A hundred times more than any of the other quotes I mentioned above...

"I love you."

And in the end, that quote is the one our kids will remember and cherish the most. Think about it - more times than not, your child will laugh at you when you try to be the boss however, they will cling close to you forever when they know they are hearing the truth of your feelings. I know I did and still do. If I can be half the mom to Madeline that my mom was to me (Mom quotes included) I'll be satisfied with my job as a parent.

Keep it funny moms. I'd hate to have to pull this blog over.

What quotes do you find yourself saying that remind you of your mom?

Children Are Not Entitled: 4 Things Parents Don't Owe Their Children

It seems like most people in our society today are obsessed with what they are owed, what they aren’t getting and what they are entitled to. I hear and come into contact with so many adults who at times, sound like little children which begs the question…

What message are we sending to our children with this attitude of entitlement? Are we teaching them how to have an attitude of gratitude and to work hard or are we equipping them to be lazy and make excuses for why things do and don’t happen for them.

I can’t count the number of times that I’m in a store and hear a child complaining to their parents, “But I want that toy!” or “It’s not fair! Susie has this same toy, why can’t I?” or “I’ve been good! Why can’t I have it?” And while kids will be kids {we’ve all had to deal with a major meltdown a time or two} the messages we send to our kids in these moments is vital. It’s the difference of our children understanding that not everything in life is fair and that sometimes, the answer is simply “No.” 

And guess what. There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling your child “No” from time to time. You don’t have to feel bad for being the parent who says “No.” I’ve often wondered from time to time how some adults could have turned out differently if their parents had told them “No” a few times along the way. It seems to me that this simple word “No” has a great way of teaching our children that they are not owed or entitled to anything and everything. 

While we as parents do owe our children some things; love, support, a comfortable home, food, a healthy and nurturing lifestyle and more, there are some things we simply don’t owe our children as parents or for them to be entitled. 

An explanation. This simple basic principle was a hard one for me to understand growing up because I always had such an inquisitive and rebellious mind. Now that I have a child of my own, I get it and I don’t feel the need to explain every decision and choice I make for my daughter to her. Sometimes as parents, it comes down to “Because I said that’s the way it’s going to be” and that’s it.

Rewards for good behavior and following directions. Are there times when our daughter gets a materialistic reward for doing something right? Absolutely, but it’s not the norm. I also make it a point to tell her, “That’s great you have your listening ears on and you’re following directions. That’s what you’re supposed to do. Keep it up!” It’s a verbal, positive reinforcement. My take is that life is not a hand out and that you don’t always get recognized or rewarded simply for doing what it right. You should be doing those things anyway without an expectation to be compensated.

Curbside service. This one grates on my nerves. You have a child who wants something and they want it now. So many times I see parents giving into this demanding and harsh behavior and it kills me. Since when do the kids get to make all the rules and set the level of “service” they are to receive? There are many lessons to be had in teaching patience. Many times in life, we don’t get instant gratification. Most times, we have to wait patiently for the right things to come along at the right time. I cringe to think how many children are being taught that it’s okay to have such a demanding demeanor simply because their parents catered to every single whim. Sorry, Maddy. It’s not happening in our home.

That they should win every single game they play. It’s perfectly acceptable for our children to lose. As much as we want to see them be the best at everything, the reality is that this is just not possible so why should we set our kids up for unattainable goals? I think this does so much more of a disservice than a service in molding the types of adults they will grow up to be. Every child should learn the valuable lesson of losing because it teaches them how to do it graciously and how to cope with rejection. If they learn these lessons early on, they can easily adjust to the curve balls life will throw at them.

In a perfect world, our children would all be perfect and would never have to know of the hard lessons of life. Unfortunately, this isn’t the world we live in. I feel it’s our job as parent’s to equip them the best we can for the challenges and life situations that lay ahead, and while rewards and compensation have their place, I think it’s far more important to teach our children the difference between the things in life they have to work for vs. the things in life that are freely given. 

What do you think? What are your thoughts on entitlement for children?

I'm So Tired as a Mom. And So Happy.

As I write this, I’m fighting the urge to fall face-forward into my keyboard. I haven’t washed my hair in days, the circles under my eyes are so dark that not even the best makeup products on the market could fix them and my to-do list is so long and overwhelming that it makes me want to just bury my head in the sand and pretend that none of it exists. It’s 9:30 p.m. and I know that in about 4 – 5 hours, Chickie will wake up for what could be the first and only time of the night or for at least three more times until the alarm goes off at 5:15 a.m. Since her first Birthday over three years ago, this has been our nightly song and dance; Spurts of sleep coupled with moments of being awake.

This has become my new normal.

Sometime around Chickie’s second year, I came to terms with the fact that I would never again sleep like I used to before I had a child. Actually, truth be told, I pretty much accepted that for the foreseeable future, I would be tired all. the. time. Since we are not made of money and since Publisher’s Clearing House hasn’t come knocking on our door, the option of having nannies or sleep sitters to give me a weekend – or hell – one night of blissful sleep, isn't really even an option at all.

But it’s okay. This is motherhood, right? This is what I signed up for when I decided to have a child. There is a certain amount of peace that comes along with accepting things you can’t change. Once you learn to try and just go with the flow and adapt, your life becomes much easier to handle instead of fighting against the deprivation. Once I accepted this stage of raising a child, I felt at peace. I felt as if I could breathe again and in some odd way, actually relax.

After three and a half years with no sleep, I’m thoroughly convinced that it’s me. There are days when all I drink is coffee, wear my pj’s all day and go proudly and unapologetically without makeup. I look in the mirror and see the dark circles but they don’t phase me – it is what it is…

And I love every minute of it.

I know that one day very soon, this little girl who has a hard time sleeping will no longer be sleeping in my home at all. I will blink and before I know it, she will have a home and a family of her own, leaving me and my home empty inside. So for now, even on the hard days, I will treasure all of our late night snuggles and co-sleeping. I will hold onto her and soothe her with every fiber of my being because I won’t always be able to protect and care for her in this life. I will do my best to not feel aggravated at 2:30 a.m. when I hear her little voice calling for me because I know that all too soon, she will be gone to live her own life and I will be left to wonder where all this time went and desperately want it all back.

So for now, my mantra will be “Sleep is for wussys!” and I will try with all my might to believe this because really, I am blessed and I love the life I have with my little girl. 

While you're here, take a moment to check out one of my favorite daily reads, Green Loving Girl! 

Now That I'm a Mom I Understand...

I will never forget the look of fear, relief and anger in my mother’s eyes the morning I came home after staying out all night with my girlfriends with no phone call to let my parents know I was okay and what I was up to. It was my senior year of high school, which of course translated to: “I’m an adult now. I can do what I want.” 

Her eyes were blood shot, haggard a bloated. With tears streaming down her face she asked, “Do you have any idea what you’ve put your father and me through tonight?” But I didn’t. I had no clue. In my adolescence, I couldn’t see or understand her point of view. I remember thinking, “I’m here. I’m okay. What’s the big deal?” 

Back then, I desperately wanted to understand why she was so upset. I wanted to understand why she had stayed up all night worrying and fretting. I wanted to be able to comprehend why, if she was so happy I was home and okay, why was she so upset and angry?

But I just couldn’t. I was a teenager and I was an asshole.

Now that I have a child of my own, I can look back on that moment, and many others from my childhood, and understand it all completely. It sounds cliché as hell for our parents to say, “When you have your own children, you will understand” but it is a statement that couldn’t be any further away from the truth. 

Now that I’m a mom I’ve come to understand…

…The constant worried, anxious, afraid feelings all moms carry with them deep down in their gut.

…How it broke my mother’s heart to see me cry.

…How it broke her heart even more to see me cry after disciplining me.

…The amount of time and monetary sacrifice my parents gave to me and my sisters so that we would never have to go without even when my mom and dad had too.

…How I can feel so incredibly angry, happy and relieved all at once when something happens to my child. More so, if it’s because she was doing something I asked her not to do.

…Why all mothers cry a lot.

…That my mother and father were not perfect but they tried their best. 

…That parenting, in some ways, is a thankless job.

…The never-ending feelings of exhaustion.

…The incredible amount of pride of seeing your child{ren} get it right and excel.

…That no matter how old I am, I will always be my mother’s “baby.”

…How I can go from happy to bitch in 2.2 seconds.

…How the longing for just a sliver of alone time is real and so very needed from time to time

…That despite all the sleepless nights, arguments and the ups and downs of parenting, she would do it all over again. 

How about you? What are some things you couldn’t understand about your parents growing up that you completely get now that you are a parent? 

Our Family Eats Kraft Mac & Cheese - So, STFU

On Tuesday, a recall alert was issued from the makers of Kraft Mac & Cheese alerting the public that metal fragments had been found in a specific segment of boxes produced by the company. As of this morning, no harm or incidents have been reported. The company has issued a statement, made an apology and is also offering full refunds, no questions asked, to any individual who purchased said boxes in question. 

When I heard the news, I promptly went to our pantry and checked the two boxes of Kraft Mac & Cheese we currently have. Neither box fit the description of the boxes in question so back on the shelf they went. I never once questioned or thought about throwing them away. Why would I? They were safe, and I’m not in the business of throwing away food for no good reason. 

When I closed the pantry door, I didn’t think twice about my decision to keep the boxes…until I got back online and logged onto Facebook. Against my better judgment, I started reading all the comments about the recall {But seriously, when will I learn that you are never supposed to read the comments?} and within a few short minutes, my aggravation level went from zero to WTF. Why, you ask? Well, because of comments like these:

“This is a prime example of why our nation needs to be eating organic foods only.”

“I’m so thankful that I don’t feed my family this junk. Only wholesome foods for us!”

And my personal favorite…

“Maybe swallowing some metal is what it takes for families to understand the importance of eating organic, wholesome foods only.”

It never ceases to amaze me how Americans take every opportunity possible to be the biggest bunch of know-it-all, judgmental assholes that ever walked the planet. 

Sigh.

I often wonder what all these judgmental, organic eaters ate growing up. I’m willing to bet it was slim to nothing organic. I’m also willing to bet that their health, as a result, was never put into jeopardy because they ate non-organic foods. I’ve yet to read a study that can clearly vouch whether or not organic foods are really even worth the extra cost and worth eating. From everything I’ve read on the issue, eating organic vs. non-organic foods cannot be linked to any diseases so this whole argument of a healthy lifestyle and eating wholesome foods is invalid to me.

I certainly didn’t eat organic growing up – as a matter of fact, my parents bought the same types of fruits and vegetables I buy from my grocery store today for my family: the non-organic ones. I grab those babies up, wash them and eat them. And while I’m doing my grocery shopping, you can bet your sweet ass I swing by the macaroni isle to pick up a few boxes of Kraft Mac & Cheese. 

And I don’t feel the least bit bad or guilty about it. 

In all the rage and hype of eating organic, I think we’ve forgotten along the way that most families in this country are simply trying to make ends meet coming off the worst financial downfall since the Great Depression, let alone paying a small fortune for organic meals and produce. If you’re able to do this for your family and choose to do so, great! But why look down your nose at the families who uses their choice to live within their means to not eat organic? It makes absolutely no sense to me. I truly believe that every family is doing the best they can to provide the very best in life possible for their children and loved ones. The choices other families make with regards to food have no bearing or consequence on your family at all. When will we all learn to simply live and let live?

Yes, our family on occasion indulges in the blue box so please, STFU with your judgmental diatribe. The only thing you’re proving is how much of an ass you sound by your comments. Please understand and respect that the food choices I make for my family are just that – mine. You are free and able to do the same for your own family, and when I see you reaching for that $5/lb apple, all I’ll do is simply smile at you with zero judgment and carry on about my business…

The business of eating all. the. blue. box.