Dear Maddy: On Sunday, You Will Be Five

Over the past year, you’ve experienced so much change. We moved to Pittsburgh. You started a new school, where you learned about a chrysalis and how it changes into a beautiful butterfly. 

And on Sunday, you will be five.

I remember very clearly the day I saw your transformation. It was an evening at home. I was in the kitchen cooking dinner and you walked in and asked, “Mama, can I please watch Paw Patrol?” I told you yes as I handed you a plate of grapes and we walked into the living room. You sat down, crossed your legs like a little lady and placed the plate on your lap. “Thank you, mama,” you said as I got the show for you. As I turned to walk back into the kitchen, I looked at you. At five, you’re long and lean, there is no baby fat or baby rolls left on you. Most times when you sit, you sit with your legs crossed. Your wisps of baby hair have blossomed into full-grown curls and your face has transformed from the happy-go-lucky baby and toddler I once knew to full-blown little girl: curious, thoughtful and beautiful. It was at this point that I realized you had turned from toddler to little girl right before my eyes.

My Tender Moments In Parenting

It seems like lately, our life has been a scene from Jurassic Park; loud screeching, wailing and gnashing of teeth, and growls that even scare the dog at times. But alas, we don't have any cool dinosaurs living in our home...just a preschooler with the attitude of a dinosaur.

If you've never experienced the pleasure of raising a preschooler, let me break it down for you in one word: challenging…to say the very least. You know that scene in Jurassic Park where dude gets eaten right off the toilet? There are some days I wish that were me. Partially because (A.) I can't seem to get two minutes to go to the bathroom by myself any more anyway so what does it matter and (B.) partially because well...honestly...some days I just want to go running and screaming from my house.

I know none of this is her fault. I know Maddy is simply going through the normal growing pains every preschooler experiences; newfound independence, exploring the world around her and the influence of other children and their attitudes definitely adds another layer to the mix. For the most part, she’s grown out of the crying over everything stage and into the push back, argumentative stage where every parental decision, choice and instruction is up for question and analyzation. If you ever want to sound like your own mother, have a conversation with a strong-willed, uber-curious child and before you know it, you will boil all of your parenting choices down to, “Because I said so, that’s why!” It’s all in a day’s work.

Four Kid's Cartoon Characters I'd Like to Punch in the Face

As a kid, I loved watching cartoons especially on Saturday mornings. There was nothing better than filling up a big bowl of Frosted Flakes, making a huge, fluffy pillow pile on the floor and snuggling up to watch Jem, The Smurfs and Looney Tunes. Childhood goals on point.

Fast forward about 33 years later as an adult with my own almost five year-old in tow, and it’s a completely different story. Getting up at 6 AM on the weekend is no longer appealing and while I’m a Frosted Flakes girl for life, nowadays, I’d much rather have a hot cup of caffeine-filled coffee to get me going for the day instead of a cold bowl of cereal.

And the cartoons these days? Eh. Maybe I’m showing my age, but the cartoon era of the 1980’s will always be the best in my opinion. Cartoons these days are just downright annoying and in some cases, borderline inappropriate for some ages. More than that if I’m being honest, most days I’m done adulating, even if I’ve only stepped foot out of bed. If it’s the weekday, by the time I work all day, come home and take care of my family, the house and the pets, do the bedtime routine and cook dinner, I’m fried. Hello, digital babysitter!

The thing is, most of the cartoons my daughter likes, I can’t stand. Some nights and mornings I do my best to completely tune it all out because I just can’t. With that said, I give you the top four children’s cartoon characters I’d love to punch in the face.

I Didn't Bond With My Daughter After Birth...And That's Okay!

For some mothers, the bond with their child begins the moment they find out they are pregnant. For others, the bond forms the moment they lay eyes on their baby for the first time. But for other moms? Sometimes the bond takes a little longer to develop. 

This is the category I fell into. 

I never thought I was ever going to have the opportunity to be a mom. Something you may not know about me is that in a faraway land a long, long time ago, I was married. Obviously, the marriage didn't work out because here I am with another man and a child but the point is that my first marriage was childless and by every indication would always be childless. I had pretty much given up all hope that I would ever be a mother. We divorced in 2009 and I moved forward with my life.

What Will My Daughter Remember About Her Childhood?

This weekend while entertaining our out of town friends Joe and Mimi, I took some time to sit with Maddy in the living room and simply play blocks with her. It’s one of the things she enjoys most; building a car wash to run her Hot Wheels through or a Target or Chick-fil-a, two of the places we frequent the most. Michael was deep in the middle of cooking dinner with help from Joe and Mimi so it was the perfect opportunity to get some one-on-one time with my girl. As we sat and played, Mimi looked over to me and said, “I remember my mother playing with me. It’s one of the best memories I have of her growing up. Whether she was reading a book to me at bedtime or playing a board game with me, those are the times I remember most and cherish. You are doing such a good thing with Maddy by playing with her. She will always remember this time together.” 

It was such a sweet comment and compliment. I tried to allow myself the momentary feel good, the positive. As moms, I think we have a wonderful way of poo-pooing compliments anyone may extend to us about our parenting. We are gold medal winners at finding exceptions, excuses and rebuttals as to why we don’t deserve compliments or positive commentary on our abilities, but the more the comment marinated in my mind, the more I began to feel uncomfortable and fretful. The more the word, “remember” turned over and over again in my mind, the more I couldn’t help but feel worried.